Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hi, I am a 22 year old girl and my partner is 32. We dated for one year. My parents disapproved of him because they though he was a lower social class, also his past, family, nothing to show for his age ect. We had our ups and downs but within about 3 months my parents said leave the house or live with us and done be with him. So I followed my heart and I left to live with him.
He is wonderful is so many ways, loyal, honest, faithful, funny, smart, protective and he has depression and anxiety which he takes medication for. For the past 6 months he hasnt been working or studying because he put of starting university till the start of the year instead mid year intake. This lead his life to become unstable, his sleep pattern is awful because he cant sleep at night so he watches movies therefore I cannot sleep. He used to be on the computer all night which I said I dont like id rather him be with him at the cost of me not sleeping properly. So from this he sleeps all day which leaves me alone, he then wakes up and goes on his computer. He is a fussy eater and does not usually eat what I make and when he does wake up he wont have dinner with me because its his breakfast time. This leaves me feeling alone, ignored, neglected. I kept telling him that and he didnt take it seriously but I love him and want him more than ever. It felt right at the time to leave because I was fed up so I left when he went out to get dinner, I packed my bags and called my parents to get me and they were so thrilled. It will break there hearts if I say Im going back.
He doesnt cook, clean, do laundry, exercise or help around at all. He says he is unmotivated and in a bad place.
I do love him, I have become more of a woman in this year, I have become more happy, confidant, ready to go out into the world. I felt as if I was not the right woman for him because I thought he needed to be put in line, he is the type of man who doesnt like to be told what to do. But I went to his house today and we spoke and I realised he does have a condition, he was never bad to me at all. He needs compassion and I left him. Now I want back and he im sure he will want me back but my parents hate him, it will break there hearts. Also am I even doing the right thing going back?
I have asked this question on other forums (non mental health ones) and people have said, hes lazy, selfish and im being his mother. Pretty much saying leave him or dont go back. But I want advice from people who understand this illness and can give me advice.
He is wonderful is so many ways, loyal, honest, faithful, funny, smart, protective and he has depression and anxiety which he takes medication for. For the past 6 months he hasnt been working or studying because he put of starting university till the start of the year instead mid year intake. This lead his life to become unstable, his sleep pattern is awful because he cant sleep at night so he watches movies therefore I cannot sleep. He used to be on the computer all night which I said I dont like id rather him be with him at the cost of me not sleeping properly. So from this he sleeps all day which leaves me alone, he then wakes up and goes on his computer. He is a fussy eater and does not usually eat what I make and when he does wake up he wont have dinner with me because its his breakfast time. This leaves me feeling alone, ignored, neglected. I kept telling him that and he didnt take it seriously but I love him and want him more than ever. It felt right at the time to leave because I was fed up so I left when he went out to get dinner, I packed my bags and called my parents to get me and they were so thrilled. It will break there hearts if I say Im going back.
He doesnt cook, clean, do laundry, exercise or help around at all. He says he is unmotivated and in a bad place.
I do love him, I have become more of a woman in this year, I have become more happy, confidant, ready to go out into the world. I felt as if I was not the right woman for him because I thought he needed to be put in line, he is the type of man who doesnt like to be told what to do. But I went to his house today and we spoke and I realised he does have a condition, he was never bad to me at all. He needs compassion and I left him. Now I want back and he im sure he will want me back but my parents hate him, it will break there hearts. Also am I even doing the right thing going back?
I have asked this question on other forums (non mental health ones) and people have said, hes lazy, selfish and im being his mother. Pretty much saying leave him or dont go back. But I want advice from people who understand this illness and can give me advice.
Everyone is different with their depression. Some like myself manage to get out of bed and try to keep a normal life as much is possible. Do I get days where I'm unproductive...yes but stilll manage to get out of bed and get dressed most days.
Their are others with depression that are paralized by it and can't sleep right, can't do anything. Is he still on medication...if so he needs a change it sounds like. Does he still see a psychiatrist? Does he see a therapist?
You got to lay it on the line with him that he needs help. I worry that you going back to him will start to bring you down and depressed.
I think he needs to make changes in his life before you go back to him and tell him you want to be with him and love him but he needs to try and get help...if he does that and there is a change in him then I would date him but wait for that change to take place.
There needs understanding on his part that he needs help. Like I said I would date him for a little bit and see if he starts trying to do something about his depression, then I would go back. Only then.
As for your parents..they need to understand where you are coming from. Please talk to them and tell them the situation that he's is changing and it is time for you to stand up for him. Again only if he is taking steps to heal.
I haven't written this much ever. I hope I was helpful to you and not preachy. I will keep you in pray however. Best wishes for you.
deb
Depression .... nor anything else actually, is not an excuse to be lazy, selfish, or anything else which diminishes one's responsibility in a relationship. The two are mutually exclusive. If one's depression causes laziness and selfishness ... then it causes them to probably not have healthy relationships.
What he is/does is what he is/does ... and that is either acceptable to you or it is not.
In my opinion, which is possibly barely important, you can and should do much better for yourself.
GBU
D
;-]
For example, when he watches movies at night, he can put on headphones so that your sleep does not get disturbed, but he doesn't do that. Another example, when he wakes up and needs breakfast and you need dinner, what is stopping him from eating together with you? It's not like you two have to eat the exact same thing.
It seems to suggest that he is too self-absorbed and does not care enough about you. I'm talking about basic levels of care here. He doesn't seem to reach even that.
Ok, let's consider the possibilities.
Let's say you go back to him, encouraged him to improve. And he does, step by step, until he becomes the man of your dreams, and parents are so impressed by him that they start to love him too. Then you two get married, have lovely children, and grow old together, sitting on the park bench staring into the sunset. That's the best case scenario.
Worst case would be that, not only does he not improve, but he drags you down with him. The two of you swirls about gradually down into the dark abyss, unable to get out. Your parents disown you and all your friends go "I told you so! TOLD you!" and being all annoying.
You have to decide if it is worth this terrible risk.
If you dodecide to go against the world, and go back to him, then I suggest trying to improve him step by step. Baby steps first, like the headphone and breakinner examples I wrote. If he is amenable to your suggestions, good. Work upwards, tacking increasing difficult problems. At some point in time, he's gonna stop and not improve. There, you'll have to re-evaluate, and decide whether that you are satisfied or whether you want to break up with him again.
Sounds troublesome, right? The easier, surer way is just to dump him and find a new man.
if you were my daughter I would talk it out with you
sounds like your parents like to tell you what to do
that said
If you want your life you need to stay way from him
sounds like trouble to me
Now I am a man and I would normally stand up for the man
But he dose not sound like a man who cares
There is only one place to go to get the right answer
that is on your knees and lookup
God is always there with you and yes I know this to be true
and no I am not a preacher
get on your knees and turn your problem over to him and let him deal with it
after giving God your troubles just do nothing and let it work out
if you are to go back God will tell you
in the mean time talk daily with God and live your life
and do not let your parents tell you what to do if you are over 18
if you want to feel better go to a Walmart and just walk around and notice the other people and you will see you are better off then a lot of people
I do that offten because of my trouble
but other people are far worst then you or I
Your are a special person in Gods eye that is all that counts
at 22 you have your whole life ahead of you donot get cught up in a mess with someone who care nothing for hisself or you
God is on your side let him help
I think I would be a bit shocked if someone says go for it.
Peace
I understand the position that you and especially your boyfriend is in. I have been and kind of still am that way. A lot of times, I stay awake till morning and sleep during the days. It's not that we want to, it's the state we are in. Nothing seems to be more meaningful. And I'd say you are mis-reading him. You're looking at it from only yours perspective and although it might seem he doesn't care for you but the thing is he might just not know what position he's in and it's difficult sometimes. The best thing you can do is to make him feel close and make him talk to you. That's the best healing.
This is me telling you from my experience. people perceived that of me as well but on the other hand, I'd say your parents are very important. You should also give a thought about where you're headed and what the future holds. Don't rush it though! You should find some way of talking to them in a nice way and making them understand. No matter how hard the situation is, there is always a solution.
I'd happily talk to you more if you want. :)