I'm scared. I wish I could just know what to do. I'm in college and I'm so afraid. I thought I knew what I wanted to study. I was planning to be a Veterinary Technician. but now I don't have the love for it anymore, I find myself not wanting to be that anymore. I just wish this could be easy, I like when I was younger and they just told me what to do. but now it's up to me to figure out things. I'm thinking of being a kindergarten teacher. in the very beginning that is what I was planning to study but fear made me change my mind. I was too afraid. I don't know if I could be a good kindergarten teacher. I have lots of experiences with children, I've done a lot of babysitting and being like a nanny. but I fear my mental health isn't good enough to do that. my depression, my anxiety, my eating disorder. I know I have time to get better but I'm just so afraid. I wish I knew what to do now.
deep down I don't really want to do anything. I don't want to be anyone. I just want to escape this system. I just want to be free. But I know I can't be free, I can't escape. I wish there was a job like that. I wish there was a job just feeling free and not so restricted. I feel so lost and empty and scared. I hate this feeling of not knowing what to do, of not knowing who I am.
its too much to handle. Just as I’m googling how to sleep when feeling a little anxiety I get a message from work that is bad real bad. I can’t do this anymore. I need to got out of this and I don’t know how. I have no help and it’s too much for me to take