Yes I have felt this way a lot. Maybe they don't know you want to talk or need a friend. You could always let people know that you need to talk or need a friend and try to find friends and family who can be there the way you need and want them to be. I often think it is about me but maybe a person just does not know. I hope you will feel better and have the kinds of interraction you want. Hugs.

Personally, this has rarely happened to me before because I don't like to talk about my 'problems' in real life. When you say, "Sometimes I say a whole essay worth of things to people, and when I only get two words back ," I think the problem is they don't know what to say, don't know how to express their sympathy, don't have any good advice, or somewhere along those lines. Once, I did confide in my best friend in real life who usually has something to say, and she said, "I don't know what to tell you, Megan." Since she was being frank with me, I think that is also true in most cases for most other people as well. Does my example validate what I am trying to say?

Hugs

Yes both of you make good points...But actually I wasn't talking about when I specifically am trying to talk about my depression...I mean when I talk about anything. When I am depressed I just start to get paranoid that no one is hearing me.

HUGS

Yes sometimes in life and online you want social interraction, you want to talk and sometimes conversation does not go where you want it to go, you can feel bored or feel like things are not working out when you really want and need it too and that can be frustrating. So yes I have experienced not having the kind of social interraction I want and things are not always exciting with people I talk too and sometimes they can be. I know it can be a let down. Maybe you can talk to your friends and family about this or try to find others who you can make a better connection with and have more fun with.

I feel like this sometimes. When I'm not depressed, if my friends are being flaky or not calling often or don't call me back, my thought process is: "Huh, hope everything's okay with them. They're probably just busy." When I'm depressed I feel like it means they hate me, don't care about me, are mad at me, aren't really my friend, etc. I know that's not really what you are saying, but the attention thing I relate to as well. Frankly, I'm just needier when I'm depressed (then feel guilty about it.)

Hi Friend,

So many people who have never have to deal with the darkness of depression don't have a clue what to say so they say nothing..........

Don't you give up........You keep talking. It helps :-)

yep

Friend, I feel your sadness in your 2nd post.

You speak to people around you and you don't feel as if they are listening, or even if they heard you at all.

You must feel invisible in your real life.

Whenever I have a dilema, or a problem, I'm trying to remember to refer to The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz.

One of the agreements is to never make assumptions.
Another is to be impeccable with your word.

Can you have a calm and earnest discussion with your loved ones and say that you would like to express yourself and you would like to be "heard"

And then tell them what you posted here?

I'm just falling back on "never make assumption" and also it is always about the other person.

Be honest, and get to the bottom of why no one is listening.

((((((((HUGS)))))))

Hey, Friend, I noted you said this happens when talking about depression and not. I have to say that I think many people, whether they've struggled with depression or not, have a need to feel heard and understood. This is an important basic necessity for all humans as essentially social organisms. I might have to know more about it before I could really definitively form an opinion, but what you're saying here sounds like it isn't an "issue" to add to the pile just yet.

To illustrate, I sometimes feel this way when communicating with my boyfriend (very rarely, but it happens). He and I are both daydreamers, and often it looks like we aren't listening when we really are just deep in thought. I love him more than anything, but sometimes I'll ask him a question or tell him something that by its own nature sort of requires a relatively immediate response (like "Okay, we're coming up to the intersection, which way do I turn?!") - after which he will simply not respond. This, naturally, frustrates me sometimes, because I don't feel heard or listened to. This has nothing to do with my depression though.

The point I'm trying to drive at (long story long) is that different people have different ways of communicating and understanding, as I believe WallyBear is alluding to. My guy is a sweetie, and he would never not listen/get distracted/not respond to intentionally hurt me; he just conceptualizes those interactions and the implied communication demands differently. So, is there any chance that your friends and family aren't aware that their two-word responses (not literally, I'm sure) are giving you the feeling that you aren't being heard or understood according to your needs? Or are there other reasons that could be the cause for these seemingly one-sided interactions (e.g.: too busy to respond to e-mails at length vs. a phone conversation, only able to check messages at work so unable to give thoughtful responses, etc.)? Obviously there's no way for me to know myself, but these are just my thoughts :)

*Hugs,* Friend. You're not the only one, though, I *can* say that much.

Elle

Thank you everyone :)

HUGS

i have issues too... oh my mistake. i have Tissues. close enough though eh? :P

The only attention I get is what I give myself and what my pets give me. I dont need a lot of attention. I am a loner. It is in my dna.

This is a good point, Friend. I was thinking about this earlier today, in regards to how "I" treat people. I genuinely feel care for people, but I don't always say something to them or know what to say to them. I've always been a silent person when it comes to observing and compassion.

But, here is what I've learned lately. The general goal, I think (I've heard) is to be "ok" within yourself, to be comfortable in your own skin. We have this goal because it allows us to be self efficient. At the same time, OTHER people are trying to maintain this goal, and they may not know any more than you do about a particular subject. MAYBE, they are just trying to get by too. But, a lot of times, people are hiding the same emotions you are expressing (from the world and sometimes from themselves.). So, really, it's not because they don't care, but because they do not have all the answers that we wish they had. And sometimes, their way of coping blocks out responding to certain emotions, which may lessen a sentence or two. Ya know what I mean? They may be keeping themselves from indulging in certain thoughts, because they are negative.

But, people initially care. To not care about others is to not care about oneself. That's where pain comes from. We cared, it hurt, we cope. Coping is tricky business.

oh pfff, i guess i should have read further.

Yeah, people don't respond the way we want them to. That's because they are not in our control. They are their own being. A lot of times, in depression or whatever the case may be, we have this IDEA of how we want someone to react to us. We want this IDEA because it is what will make us feel good. We want to feel good, so we think of what would do that. But, our IDEA isn't reality. It's just an IDEA. Reality is that people connect with certain conversations and not with others. Reality is that there are good times with people and bland times with people. There are helpful responses and not so helpful responses.

But, as soon as we let go of relying on this IDEA to be what will bring us out of our suffering and accept what people DO have to offer, it becomes a bit easier to understand that it has nothing to do with people not hearing you. It's just their response, period. Not your IDEA.

It's so late, I'm just talking.....lol and maybe you don't hear me. But, that's ok.

I agree with several responses on here... The four agreements, I love. Good book.

I can completely relate to you Friend19. Sometime I get paranoid that I bore people with what I have to say since they don't respond how I expect them to. Like Cypress says - my IDEA of how I think they should respond (animated, able to relate and possibly have some back and forth banter). This lack of response then makes those thoughts that are powered by my depression speak... "wow, I never have anything exciting to talk about" or "maybe this person doesn't really care about what I have to say" etc. This is when you have to stop those thoughts in their tracks - sometimes literally saying "Stop". Then redirect your thoughts into a more positive direction. Easier said than done. This is where I have trouble when I'm not on my meds. Those thoughts are too powerful and cause this vicious cycle; a snowball effect. Anyhoo, its the depression and insecurities kind of feeding into each other.

I had a therpaist say to me once, April, it's not all about you!! And my feelings were hurt initially, but she was trying to make a point and after thinking about it I realized, she's right. I can't always assume that if someone is with me and being quiet or not responding its because it has anything to do with me. They're probably absorbed in their own 'stuff' and maybe just need a gentle nudge - hey, are you listening? Or, like someone else said in this discussion... maybe just let these friends and family members know that sometime you want to know you're being heard. They most likely aren't even aware they are coming across the way they are.

My mom gave me some decent advice that has at the very least entertained me... I have named my depression. As though its an alter ego. Her name is Mona and she's a bit@h. When I find the negative comments creeping in, I tell her to eff off. It doesn't alwasy work, but it makes me laugh at how crazy I am. Puts some humor into it all.

Too much coffee for me this morning. Hope some of this helps or at least makes someone laugh a little.