Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
God, I just want to yell!!! I'm not even sure how I feel. It's like emptiness and heaviness at the same time. Anxiety and numbness. I'm unfocused. I'm sitting here at work and yet all I can think about is how I just want to lay in my bed and not be bothered. I don't want to do anything. I'm really trying to fight against these ugly feelings that keep coming up. I know that a big part of me spiraling into this place is the heartbreak that I suffered 2 1/2 years ago. Disgusting that it's been that long and I'm still affected by it. I have already made the conscious decision to forgive my ex for all the hurt, anger, and damage he has caused me. I said to myself that I would stop speaking ill of him whenever something came up that pertained to my struggle with these feelings. As I've said before, I really do want to forgive. I just want to let go of anything that has to do with him. But I can't help but to still feel angry, hurt, and disappointed. My life is not bad, I should be happy because I am blessed in so many ways. But the shadow of those ill feelings taunts me. I don't like that this has such a hold of me. I feel bound by it. It's like I can't escape it. I can't even distract myself with something else because my focus is all over the place. I know there is more to these inner struggles than just this terrible heartbreak. But if I could just shake this part of it. This part on the outside of me that has such an ugly effect on the inside of me. Heartbreak is hard! But this situation broke more than just my heart, it broke my spirit, it broke me. I hate this!
First of all I just want to say I'm sorry that you are going through this. It sounds like it really affected you in a deep way. Two years ago I went through a bad break up. I compared mine to having surgery and being deeply cut because it took so long to heal.
I was in a state of depression for 2 years after I separated from my husband. Every promise that was made was broken. I felt like I wanted to kill him because I felt like he caused me so much pain. (I've never felt like that before in my life). I cried so much.
However one day when I was in my bathroom crying wondering how could this have happened to me again . Another marriage that didn't work out. But I heard in my spirit that even though I felt so low and so betrayed that what happened could not take away my value and my purpose.
We may suffer all kinds of losses in this life but no one or nothing can take away who you were created to be. Little by little I began to join support groups and even went to counseling just to have someone to vent my hurt too. I began to understand that I had a purpose and my purpose was greater than any hurt I had experienced.
They say time heals all wounds. After two years I started feeling better but,I still can be triggered by something that brings back a memory and it is still very painful.
I know that you are destined for greatness no matter how much that person hurt you. I believe that you are stronger than what you think and you will rise above everything that tried to destroy who you really are on the inside. Much love my queen. You will survive this and come out stronger because of it.
By forgiving you release yourself from the hurt. Your unforgiveness does not hurt him but you. And, as alwaysblessed stated, you will be stronger because of this experience and your ability to move beyond it with forgiveness. I pray that this link will encourage you:
https://bit.ly/2BUyNJo