The old site was so much more friendly. (Well, apart from the one member who made my life so miserable I had to take a break......) But I can't cope without having somewhere to go that I can just vent. A lot has happened. My oldest son has had a child and is now a single parent which really means I'm co-parenting him. He's a beautiful, bright, pixie of a child and my reason for getting up in the morning. Because, you see, my husband is dying. He has ALS and it's the most aggressive type so he may not have much more than a year to live. He was diagnosed 6 months ago and already he cannot eat or drink so is tube fed. His speech is really poor and he has trouble breathing. My heart is irretrievably broken in two. I have rediscovered my faith in God and pray daily for his healing. He believes he will be healed here on earth but I can hardly allow myself to believe it. As if having to face the thought of losing him at the age of 50 isn't enough, I am consumed by a feeling of dread at the possibility of growing old alone, dying without someone to hold me and tell me they love me. I have known him since we were 11. Life is so unfair.
So my entire life I have had everyone control me or try to control me Critize everything I do nothing is ever good enough for anyone. My parents abandoned me when I was little and my grandma that raised me was super hateful and now I don’t speak to her she got mad when I wanted to go to college my entire life both sides of my family all tried to control me and literally tried to purposely ruin...
I have come to find out that what I thought life was about really wasnt that at all. I have come full circle and the Lord never left my side even if I had doubts at times I know life is all about him and not about me .