Hi, I'm new here and found your post in the depression forum. I can't offer you any advice as I am on the same boat. Every morning for almost a year, I hate waking up. I just want to sleep forever. I've also had suicidal thoughts daily, contemplating on what method; I'm barely hanging on. I'm not on any meds or seeing anyone. I'm just dealing all those turmoil on my own. My life is spiraling out of control and I don't see any solution. I try to think positive and that in some ways, I have a good life; I have a roof over my head, food and family. I just can't wait for the day to be over so I can sleep. Sorry, I can't offer you any advice, I hope to gather strength to go on daily through this and other supportive channels.

Hello amazingly,
I don't think you're having control issues.It just sounds like you're fragile.If it is uncomfortable enough please let your Doc. know.May some therapy or another med. can help.

I've had moments where it's that bad for me. Right now I'm transitioning back to being better. I can feel my meds working just not full force. Helps me have hope it will get better, though. Vitamins help me, too. I just clicked on the music posted on here, and I find music does help me. I forget how much so until I start listening to it. It has to be happy music though. Depression is hard - it feels so controlling. I'm so sorry you're feeling as down as you are ticklemeyellow. Big hug for you... I've only been on this site a few days and it has helped me a lot. I hope it brings you the support you need to feel better.

Thanks, Olddrake. Prozac actually works really well for me. I stopped taking it back in January, and only restarted last week, so I'm just waiting for it to take full effect. I can feel it helping me already, but I do waiver in and out of moods of "everything is ok" and "everything is not ok". Baby steps. I just find that mornings I feel I'm depleted of my good feelings... It's hard to remind myself that by mid-day (any minute now) I'll be feeling stronger. =)

No one knows what the future holds and when your feeling vulnerable and open to life and all that it throws at you, of course thats scary! And yes who doesnt want to "control" a little to a certain extent, to protect yourself.
Perhaps your the type of person who likes routine in your life and the routine has gone a bit haywire, which in turn is making you feel uncertain and uneasy.
I like routine, i like to know where i am and what i'm doing, i dont like surprises, the other half has learnt the hard way not to surprise me!
My son was the same when he was little, every single night before he went to sleep, he'd ask "what are doing tomorrow?" I'd have to go through the itinerary of the next day!

I am so sorry about this. I am not a morning person either, and I can relate to you in other ways, if you want to hear me rant.

I hate mornings with a passion, too. I hate mornings with a passion because it's a new day where I have to force myself out of the safety of my bed and face the uncertainty of the world. At night, I wish to not wake up in the mornings.

However, we have to push through our mornings knowing that better things are to come later that day. We must keep our heads held high and push one heavy leg in front of the other to get out of bed, knowing the crappiness of the morning won't last forever.

The future holds a great amount of uncertainty for me, but what I do know is that I have the power to make good things happen or the chance to screw things up. I know that we all have the power to bring about good things in our futures, if we want to bring about good things. I know you must want to have a good future, so you will have a good one.

I'm sorry prozac isn't completely working out for you at the moment. Since it is working a little, I wouldn't give up on it just yet before trying a new one, but ask your doctor what to do next.

I am wishing you luck, and take care.

Sincerely with commiserating hugs,

Megan Elizabeth

As emerald suggested, I think fear of uncertainty is actually pretty common. The trouble is when it seriously inhibits your ability to function or diminishes the quality of your life :( Then again, that may be rooted in the depression, not the fear itself.

I'm glad to hear you say you're back on a med that's helped you in the past. Have you tried therapy as well? CBT can be very helpful for dealing with immobilizing worries like that.

*Hugs*

Yes, I do. Routine is key for me and right now it is definitely a little out of whack. I think you hit the nail on the head.

Thanks for your kind words MeggieLizzie. I'm already starting to feel better... listening to music and working. Boz Scaggs at the moment... =D

@RibbonElle - I have thought about therapy (Can't really afford it and I fall in the crack for sliding scale. Too much income for low cost but not enough to pay full - not with two kids and no child support). Usually, I'm fortunate enough to do well on my own with meds since I have had therapy in the past and have taken workshops and read some books that have helped me. The meds really give me that little foundation I need to help myself. If that makes sense. Just trying to get through this next week or so.

i know, i hate morning...it's like, shit, another day. but then i get more positive as the day goes on, once i get up get dressed. must be depression.

@ amazinglyapril Thanks for your kind words. I am hoping to find some solace from Daily Strength because aside from my bf, no one is aware of my depression. 24/7 from the moment I wake up, I feel a huge weight on my shoulders. I'm trying to be productive but I find that a struggle as well. I'm not working at the moment; however, I'm trying to go back to school for my MA. It's been hard, each day brings new challenges. Reading through posts has been helpful, I know I'm not alone in this battle for a happy medium. I wish I could turn to my family/friends for help but for me personally, there is some shame because I don't want anyone to worry or think I'm crazy. I feel so alone because I'm home all day, trying to make it another day. I know my problems are miniscule compared to the problems people all over the world face on a daily basis but as many of you can relate, for us, depression consumes us in the worst possible way.

I'm sorry. I just read your other posts.

Just continue to confirm to yourself that you are going to have a great day. If possible, write down positive affirmations, and display them in your house so you can see them when you get up in the mornings. Write something like, "I don't feel well at the moment, but I will soon. With each passing moment, I will feel the pain ease because I have the power to do good things in the future."

Music has been proven to help your mood, so keep it up. Singing to music makes it that more effective.

Can you get child support, so you can have money for therapy and bills?

If the prozac has worked in the past, it should work again.

Take care.

hi, i can relate, for me the mornings are bad, knowing im waking up alone and sometimes nowhere to go and nothing to do.
anyway i hope the meds are helping hun, take care.

I know the feeling as well. I'll wake up and say to myself: "another bullshit day; why the hell did I have to wake up for!" But then I get up because I know it's a neccessity. It's a chore somedays, but I try to make each day productive. There's no way every day can be a walk in the park. We sometimes need bad days to really appreciate the good ones...

Oddly, the waking up isn't always hard for me to do. I enjoy my time before my kids wake. It's just that its when my state of mind is at it's lowest. It feels very chemically out of whack. I wake up wondering why I feel so low. I just do a mental check - did something bad happen before bed? Did I dream something bad? I dunno... Mornings are just Baaaad, mmk? Drugs are baddd, mmk? =D