Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Don't think I'm really in "crisis" although people tell me I am when I'm feeling this way. I have a hard time doing anything...even getting up to fill a glass of water or use the washroom. I start feeling like I have to self harm. I don't want to but I feel like I have to. I used to self harm a lot a few years ago, I used to cut and take overdoses. It's been over 28 months since I last cut and up until the last few weeks it had been the same amount of time since I had taken an OD. The last few weeks though...I can't say that. I've taken a few minor overdoses. It's like I'm obsessed...and compelled...I don't really feel human. But I don't feel terrible. It's really hard to explain but it doesn't feel like it's such a bad thing or a big deal. I don't feel like it warrants a call to the crisis line or a trip to the ER. I have a few off days and then I'm good for a few days and it's just sort of weird. I dunno....just kinda wondering if anyone else can relate or ever this way. I'm not suicidal...not really. Sometimes I get thoughts fleetingly that I should kill myself or be dead but for the most part I'm happy to be alive. I just want to feel some motivation again...to do normal healthy things. I don't like feeling like I HAVE to do these stupid things.
I have done minor things to myself in the past. Sometimes it was a cry for help hoping someone would notice how pained I was. Other times I turned my anger toward myself because I can not stand to hurt someone else.
I know people don't understand why one would be so flippant about suicide. Maybe when you have lived with the thoughts for so long it is part of who you become and meds and a trip to ER or in a psych ward may never change it. It just makes you be more cautious to cover up your dark thoughts.
Sorry that you too have to live with this.
I've definitely been suicidal in the past and I know without a doubt I am not now, with the exception of those fleeting thoughts or the occasional really off day. In the past I called the crisis line so often I started to figure out the shift schedule. I was in the ER a lot and have spent time on the psych ward. I'm definitely not at that point....although it is always a fear. I've been told by professionals I shouldn't be alive because of things I've done...but I'm glad I am.
I just wish the depression would stay away and that I could feel like I'm half normal, lol.
I know exactly what you are describing. I am a cutter and its been a few weeks since the last time I did.
You are not alone in the way you feel and I also share with you that allusive light house that what day will bring home safely.
Let me share with you this clip I found in YouTube. It is very inspirational or at least I find it and hope every time you watch it, you will feel motivated.