Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I should be asleep, but I can't sleep. for weeks now my sleep has been horrible. I stay up all night and sleep all day after classes.
I don't have the energy to try anymore. I feel so alone and worthless. I care about my Mother. She has my whole heart. Though it's hard to talk about my emotions to her. She is my everything. I do all of this for her. I go to school for her, I stay alive for her. My mother is the only reason I'm still alive today. the thought of dying and leaving my mother here on earth by herself, I can't do it. I won't do it. I won't leave my mother here by herself. but It's so hard to keep fighting. the pain is getting stronger. The more I get older the worse the pain is. I feel so extremally empty. I really try to enjoy myself here away at college, I want to have fun here. I want to have true stories to tell my mom when I come home instead of lying to her. when I come home and tell my mom I had a good time, I want to mean it. I want to be open with her. but I feel like im wasting my time. everyone around me has friends. people go out and go places in cars, and im stuck in my dorm. I feel like im wasting my life. I don't want to get to the age of 50 and regret everything I've done. my depression has taken everything from me. I just want to give up, what the point in trying to be positive? what's the point in trying over and over. I have no more energy left. Im only 19 years old and I feel like my life is already over with. the pain is too much. it physically hurts. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. My mind is racing.
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You are young, beautiful, smart, and should have all the happiness anyone else does.
You do not mention any medical care for your situation. Depression is a deadly disease, but is VERY treatable.
I REALLY hope you get a MEDICAL evaluation, diagnosis, and treatment plan. You already see what Depression CAN do. Please seek help from the medical profession. It does NOT have to be this way.
I can feel your pain and frustration.
I hope that you will get a good night's sleep first of all. Feeling well rested can make a HUGE change in the way we feel. That said, I think you may be dealing with some issues that feel big but may be easier to correct than you think.
It sounds like you and your Mom are very close and that's a good thing. She wants you to be happy. I don't think she is DEMANDING that you be happy. I suspect that if you're not enjoying your time at college, your Mom would like to know that too. Be honest with her. You love her and she loves you, so rather than worrying about disappointing her, what would happen if you told her that you feel lonely, sad and frustrated at college? That you'd rather be somewhere else---maybe at home?
That would probably take some of the burden away.
But also, you are in a college environment where partying is an unfortunate part of the scene. If you're trying to do the right thing, it means being left out of the "fun". Honestly, you are a LOT better off for not being included in that.
I wonder if you can find the other guys and girls who feel the same way you do when everyone else is partying. Maybe there are good friends to be found on your campus but you have to seek them out.
I'm praying for you. I promise you it won't always feel this way. It will get better.