You have a whole lifetime for things to get better. What have you done at your age that will ruin the rest of your life ? There is plenty of time to change whatever needs to be changed and get treatment if you need it.

I was told once that depression is simply anger turned inwards. I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, maybe because it sounds like you're in so much pain that you're taking it out on yourself? Is there someone else in your life you should be angry at, and maybe not? I have dealt with these feelings for so many years, so much self-hatred, and it started when I was 13. I realize now that I made a lot of bad choices, and the truth is I still do, but things do get better. Not always easier, but better. I'm not sure how old you are but regardless of age life can feel incredibly lonely, hopeless and unkind. Depression sucks and with the stigma as it is towards mental illness it becomes easy to blame ourselves for our shortcomings. Have you seen a doctor, tried medications, spoken with a therapist? I used to see these things as being weak, but now I've realized that it is what it takes to treat this illness. Depression is not a choice, its a disease and you are not a bad person for who you are. I would recommend finding some help so you don't have to continue to feel this way. Sending you hugs and hopes that things start to improve for you. Don't give up!

At my lowest points, I've felt the same way. But even if you think everyone would be better off without you, I know they'd be devastated if you were gone. I agree with eshaw, if you haven't tried any treatment yet, I strongly suggest you give it a shot.

You are WAY too young to condemn yourself like this. When you're depressed, this is the way you feel, yes, but don't think there aren't people who would be devastated if you killed yourself. I ask the same question Bontemps did: What have you done at your age to ruin your whole life?

Hi....You are adorable (your picture)...so many would miss you and be sad if you killed yourself..I remember I was much younger than you sitting in a store on Thanksgiving by myself because I wanted to kill myself and felt like no one loved me...If I had a means to kill myself I would have.

I didn't have a gun...I didn't have pills....I didn't have rope.

I called a friend..and they came and got me and brought me to Thanksgiving dinner at their house. I was still awfully depressed and felt like a burden. But they saved my life.

No matter your age...its real (I was 17)....many people that age and younger do kill themselves. The families suffer greatly...your mind is chemically "sick" right now and you are unable to think of anyone else except how you think you fucked up.

I promise you if you give yourself a chance to get thru this...you will look back on this time of desperation and get the chills....and you will be glad you did NOT kill yourself.

I think you do need a little boost of an antidepressant...to change the chemical reaction that is going on in your brain.

I started taking one two weeks ago and I feel a lot better. I'm still depressed..but I don't feel worthless or fucked up. I was killing myself with alcohol...and now Im grateful I stopped.

Everything changes all the time...I suggest you find a page - type into "Google" parents of children who committed suicide...You may find some good reading....and realize that if you feel like you can't live for yourself...that there are others that don't want you to die...no matter what you have done.

I think if you read those stories...you will come to a point where you see that killing yourself....does more harm to others than to yourself.

Because if you did kill yourself....you are no longer feeling...but all those around you would be devastated for the rest of their lives. It would steal their happiness...they would feel guilty for the rest of their lives wondering why they couldn't help you.

If you get thru this...you will feel stronger...everyone has a purpose in this world? Can you wait to find out what your purpose is? Cause you do have one.

At 51...I finally figured my purpose was to help people...not to be a corporate executive or the president of the US. But to simply help people...Think of something that makes you happy....your purpose in life is not to kill yourself to harm others.

I'm sorry you feel shitty...and hope you pull out of this.

I just read some of your other posts in Relationships.
And I get the feeling that your current relationship has a lot to do with you feeling low right now.

I searched for happiness and validation from men my whole life, even if they abused me.

Some of the things your b/f is saying to you like - he thinks you love him for the wrong reasons....speaks loudly to me that he wants out of this relationship and doesn't know how to break it to you.

That doesn't mean you are worthless...it means he is not the right person for you and you shouldn't waste any more time of your life or body with this person.

I used to feel like no one would love me so I stayed in a 22 year abusive relationship. Guess what? As soon as I got the guts and got sick of being put down...I left him and my life has gotten better.

Certainly it is hard..when you have been so attached to this person for so long. Certainly rejection is hard. Certainly "failure" or feeling like you failed is hard. But, it does pass....

If you can muster enough energy to realize you deserve to be in a happy mutual relationship...than you will feel so much better as a woman...as I said in a previous post...you are adorable...Life is not just about MEN...I thought it was too.

It took me till age 50 to realize it is not about men...I am loveable and all of my younger years...I PICKED THE WRONG MEN....It wasn't I WAS WRONG...THEY WERE WRONG FOR ME.

This isn't anything WRONG with you....This is HE is not the RIGHT GUY for you and is bringing down to this low level of self-esteem and desperation to escape without feeling the feelings of being inadequate...Your not inadequate...this relationship just isn't GOOD for you.

I'm not saying HE is bad....I'm saying HE is just not your "fit" which DOES NOT MAKE you worthless...it makes you smart enough to know what is right for you.....Leaving someone is like a death in itself...but this type of death...can bring you more happiness if you just trust that there is someone out there that will totally love you.....

But you won't find him if you stay "stuck" with your current boyfriend.

I feel like this very often, it's horrible that anyone should have to feel this way. The mind is a very dangerous weapon, it can be great, and it can bring you so much stress also with these thoughts. I don't even know what to say that can help really. Try to keep yourself busy and spend time with people who you know really care about you. Make a list of goals that you want to accomplish and work on doing them one at a time. Reasonable things that require a bit of effort but you know you can handle. Give serious thought to why you feel this way, and see if there's anyway you can change the things that cause it, like your environment or the people you're around.

You have a purpose, Honey! You deserve life because you were born into this world!

Things just aren't getting better. I keep saying they will eventually but I'm wondering how long I can hold up. I feel like I have made the right choices for myself but then they hurt others and people hate me for it. I feel like I'm too young to have no family. A majority of them haven't spoken to my in two years, and even before that were certainly disinterested. Its almost like they used my actions as an excuse to do what they wanted (not speak to me) in the first place.


Misssy, the bigger issues I'm dealing with right now has more to do with family issues and lack of stable housing, and my own self doubts of being good enough (particularly at my job) than my boyfriend.

that and just a lingering sense of the fact I shouldnt be here. on this planet, at all.