You could have been talking about me. I wonder how many of us are on here due to childhood bad experiences...

It does get better. There were a few things I did in high school for myself because nobody else did anything whatsoever for me..

I went to the office, and I talked to the office lady, quietly, shyly... I pointed out the kids who were bullying me. Someone must have said something to them because they stopped.

That made a big difference but didn't get me accepted. I don't think I got accepted at high school, at all, and my 'difference' was the way I looked. I looked different. I doubt it made a real difference to others but because it made me feel isolated, i did everyone's work for them. I felt different. and that made me a sitting duck for any teasing. They probably tease each other badly but don't feel beaten up by it because they feel safe with each other. You don't feel safe and that changes everything.

Something changed in me when I got counselling in my 20s. I had been made to wear the wrong colour school uniform at school by my parents, I had been beaten up after school, I had carried chains and items to protect myself with, etc. I lived my entire childhood ultimately alone inside myself, like Grenouille out of Perfume, because nobody had wanted me. And here I was getting counselling. And the guy sat there and he said 'I don't think you wearing the right colour uniform would have changed anything. They didn't bully you for the uniform. They bullied you because you were a non-conformist'

Now, I don't know if that's true. But it took a lot of hurt away. Because I am who I am. And I have my thoughts, and ideas. And I wouldn't sell that existence down the river for anything.

If I was abused as a child and young adult because I was willing to be real, then... fuck 'em.

Who cares.

I wouldn't live through my teens again for $1,000,000. Or would I. Probably would, that's a lot of money. But I'd do it differently.

They wouldn't be able to hurt me. If someone teased me, I would laugh and tease back. I would never have let it in to wound me.

I would have hit back. Hard.

I would have seen the school counsellor.
I would have talked to the teacher, privately, about my problems.
I would have let them know, tactfully, privately, one tiny thing at a time. I would have offloaded the pain and not let it cripple me.

I think your dad is trying to help, and I think in some ways he's right. but I think there's only so much parents can do for you as a teen. In the end you have to force the change you need to see. Even if a bit of stuff gets broken along the way.

I'm sorry if I was rude or brought up bad memories, and I guess in a way you're right. Hopefully when I graduate I can leave all of high school behind. And I want to change myself and get help because I don't like feeling this way. And also before I have to go back to school thank you for responding.

I too felt different and that I didn't belong and always wanted to fit in and be liked and it really hurt my feelings. I am 51 years old and still feel this way. I'm shy and I had a learning disability where it takes me longer to learn things and it's hard for me to learn things but once I do learn things I'm really good at it. Along the way I met different people and it helped. I have friends here on Daily Strenth and a few who don't come here but I still keep in touch with them and I feel like I am good friends with them. I am married had two children who r both now adults. One will turn 24 the other is 19 and I have a 3 1/2 year old grandchild from a teen pregnancy from my son who is the light of my life. Things can be hard but they can also get better. Today I saw this really neat post on Facebook saying we all have angels and we can call on our angel to help us when we feel lonely or bad so that's what I'm going to do when I feel bad and lonely. I feel we r lucky to have an angel we can call on when we r upset. Maybe u can do this too. I know it's very hard to feel that u don't fit in or have many or any friends. I barely had any either. I did end up going to my senior prom. I was determined that I wanted to go to the prom so my friend I knew from my English class she was very nice, her name was Sarah, she was Asian and she knew a lot of people and was accepted and didn't feel different like I did but she was nice and a friend to me. She knew I wanted to go to the prom so during break we were on the look out to find a date for me. We found one. His name was David and I went to the prom with him. I was very very shy. He took me out to dinner and he had a really neat white luxury car that talked. It said shut the door or put your seatbelt on. It was really neat. He asked me to kiss him when he dropped me off at my home. I had no idea how to kiss and I told him that. He said it was ok and taught me how to kiss even though I don't think he ever did that either. He worked at a chicken restaurant. He was really into computers which was new in 1984. We did date and he wanted to marry me but I was not ready but it was my first experience of having a boyfriend. I have had my ups and downs but u will meet nice people a long the way maybe not in high school but u will. Maybe u can find others who feel they don't fit in because u r bound to find people who feel this way and u can be friends with them. Be determined like I was to find someone. U r not alone, you have an angel and there r others that feel the same way as u. I've gone through very hard times, I still do but I work on it, self help and Daily Strengh can really help and I have met very nice people who I'm very grateful to know. If you'd like to be friends I'd love to be yours. I like to meet people who go through this because I understand and I also like friends. Hugs and love and best wishes and I pray u will have a good day and meet some nice friends and u feel better.

High school to me was just something to get through and over with. I had some friends but after graduating I have not kept in touch with anyone. I never attended any reunions and do not plan to. The people with whom I choose to call close friends came after high school, mostly from where I have worked over the years. High school is necessary for education, but it is also a cesspool for those seeking popularity and coolness. If you are somewhat of a non-conformist like I am, you will not fit into all that drama.

Don't worry about it. Graduate and move on. You will feel an enormous sense of freedom after you graduate knowing you do not have to return to that place. As for popularity and coolness,
graduation will mark a downturn for many because it can't exist very long outside of the high school environment. Best wishes and good luck to you.

Oh Venus ♡
I'm so sorry for all that you're going through and how bad you're feeling :(
I was bullied in school from kindergarten to graduation, and no one protected me. My home life was very dysfunctional and I didn't want to cause more problems, so I never told anyone about the bullying. I HATED school!!! College and Nursing School were so different and I loved that time. I don't think I've ever recovered from being bullied and/or the dysfunction at home. It was abusive and there was nowhere to turn. I have PTSD, severe depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I've been through years of therapy which helped greatly, but am still stuck in the cycle of depression, low self esteem, even agoraphobia.
Do you have ANY family or friends who you trust enough to confide in? Would any of them help you? You ARE ENOUGH! What has happened to you, and is happening now is NOT YOUR FAULT! You are okay. People can be very cruel (understatement). It seems like cruel people target those who are nice and kind. - Are there any support groups near you for what you're going through? Please keep sharing. I for one do care :)
Hang in. Things never stay the same...which is a good thing. I have a,strong faith. If you do,Pray. Maybe get involved with a church group. Just know that you are a good, wonderful person and life is going to get better. Keep reaching out.

Thank you all for your support and replies, and your stories as well. I don't really have many friends or family to fully confide to, since I have a severe guilt complex that makes it hard for me to confide. However, I found a therapist to start getting treatment again, (I went to therapy before, but my mother made me stop). I have a lot of issues, and I appreciate all the advice you have given me, but I just don't feel like it'll work. But still, thank you guys for caring enough and taking time out to respond. <3