I feel as if I was a kid again, drowing and falling down a rabbit hole full of pain. Not wanting to see the day. Think that I would be better off leaving this horrid place at least the place that I am in currently. My heart is so heavy full of just dissappointments, and everytime i try to get a word out of how and what I feel I a wrong. I am word for feeling depressed and anxious. I just don't want to hear anything anymore. I want to close my eyes and open them back up again starimg at meadows of wild flowers and lavander flowers .Peaceful and calming. Butterflies floating and I look behind the meadow and it my sister starring back at me with her arm extended reaching for my hand. Man if only I could see her. If I could smell her and feel her touch. Anything that I would give to have all of that back. The laughs the smiles the late nights watching stupid shows that are the all about crime. But thats not goinh to happen, its not my reality. I just feel constant pain mentally drained and emotionally fearful that i might not ever be good for anyone .
I have Agoraphobia and Health anxiety and I can't seem to stop my brain from thinking I have a blood clot or the doctor missed something every time my legs hurts a lot. I also have diabetes which I know causes leg pains but every time my calf has a cramp my anxiety freaks out and I automatically believe it's a clot and im gonna die soon. Does anyone else go through this.
A life coach I once had used to tell me that I had anger problems. He said it no matter how I felt, even when I felt fine or felt something else. It didn't make sense to me, he would say it no matter how I felt, so it made me feel worse and I quit seeing him. This was a while back. I thought I was fine. I woke up this morning to go back into the office after 1.5 years of working from home...