Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
At 24, I was happy, played sports, had a Girlfriend and an apartment. Wanted a family more than anything my whole life. Now that I reflect on that, I wonder if that's because I was an only child, and my parents split up when I was 5. Anyways, I always wanted this. Long story short, just like everyone else... I thought she was the one. Went to school together, I was very picky on who I chose for a Girlfriend this time around. No more simply going for looks. I found this pretty girl, she was quiet, close nit friends. Some would say she was very intelligent, some would say she was a bit nerdy. But at the end of the day, she was Finishing college, she loved animals, and we had a lot in common. I found myself wanting to become a better person. I'm sure there were things I did wrong during the few years we were together, but we never faught.
She got pregnant, and I was never as happy as I was. Even though, deep down.. I wondered if I was ready. She did the right thing, she got the abortion, even though I refused. We broke up lately after, and before I could even move out she was already fooling around. Which.. broke my heart to be honest. I was with a several people before her, but I wanted someone like her. She was only with 2 people, I was her 2nd. So I felt used, broken.
None of the next actions were her fault. I became a drug addict. I got into pills, next thing you know it was Heroine. I will never be the same. I have tainted my brain, and I just don't know if I will ever have hope again. It's going on 3 years since I touched anything. But I am still struggling. Now some of this.. is getting so scarey, and I am so embarrassed... I won't even post all of it.
But I am about to turn 29. I've been working full time for about 1 1/2 now at this job. I started off Showering every day, then every other. God honest truth is, I brush my teeth in the morning, wash my face, and possibly put my hair under the sink. And if I'm lucky, I shower once on the weekend. There are other things, that are even disturbing to me.. That I will leave out.
But even tonight, I just want to call off work and lay in bed. I find myself being desperate, because I dont know how much longer I can keep this up. I haven't been intiminate in about 3 years, I haven't tried. I've had a few chances, but didn't take it. I've seen friends about 2-3 times in 3 years. Mostly to play cards, which I force myself to go to. I do not work out, I don't play basketball anymore. I smoke, and feel myself slowly dying. I eat cereal for all 3 meals. I recently called a hotline number to see if I was eligable for social services, but since I'm working I don't. I signed up for a gym 2 months ago, haven't went yet. I barely attend family get togethers, and always want to leave early.
This week, I spent my whole check on $10 scratch offs, because the Holiday tickets have several more winners than normal ones. And The only hope I see, is getting Lucky and winning. But I lost, this week will be a struggle, but I will manage. I lay in bed all day, every day, when I am out of work. I feel so bad for my 9 month old cat, she wants to play, I FORCE myself to give her 20minutes a day.
I don't want to kill myself, but I dont want to do this anymore. I live in a studio, no car... no cable.. and Have no desire for anything. At times, I get depressed and want to find a relationship. I get this urge, that I will be fine , but it goes away.
I have been through counseling, for 3-4 years. And nothing is helping. I just dont know what to do anymore. I am 29.. and now I dont even know if I want a family anymore. And my mother.. seems to see that now. As she says the cat I have, will be her grand daughter. I think she accepts, that I will most likely be alone.
Im not sure anyone could say anything that would help. I just wonder if theres people who get as bad as this. The only dam reason I work, is because Im under a lease, and my mom signed it. I just live... so I dont hurt her anymore.
You sound like you have very bad depression, and I wonder if you've had any medication for it. Some people give up on medication because they don't see a result quickly but it takes up to 3 months to even notice that hey! I shower every day now! When did that happen?
That sort of thing. You've tutud with your brain and heroin doesn't help but I think if I were you I'd go see your doctor and ask for a little something.
There are online depression tests too. You are sounding truly down but your life isn't over and you can turn this around really quite well. I dated an ex heroin addict years ago who had turned his life around and started his own employment agency. He was doing fine. YOu can do fine too but you definitely need to see the doctor. I found when I was on medication (only on it for 2 yrs and best thing for me at the time) I didn't have a lot of urges I didn't want to have, and I had a lot more energy to do the things I wanted to do. It really was good.
So see the doctor, if the first pill doesn't work, try another. Give them time to work, and see if you improve over the long term. You're slipping downwards right now. You have to slowly slide back upwards. :)
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing,
Wishing you all the best :)
Everyone have a nice day.
I just... at the end of the day don't like medicine. I find it hard to trust doctors who actually are trying to help you. And I feel Like I'm a Ginny pig... Like they don't know what will work, so it's trial and error... And some have bad side effects. I guess I am just scared of change.