I feel like my life is already over but I am still here. I am in my later 50's. I know that is not that old but because of how badly my life is going now I don't even see why I am still here. I am not even contributing to society anymore. I don't want to kill myself, that would be too hard a risky, I just don't want to be here anymore. I can't find a decent therapist. Everything, everything is a struggle. Every day I get up and have to force myself to move around and go out because if I lay in one place too long I can't stand it. I live in almost a constant state of rage and frustration that I know is eating me up alive,causing disease, aggravating disease. I am so sick of how unfair and hard life is. I've worked so hard and tried so hard in my life, been a good person basically and to have it come to this.
So just because the day keeps getting worse, I just found a red nodule cyst like thing on my 4 year old dogs paw. My dogs are obviously my saving grace.So now I have to just not breathe until I can get him to the vet.Make it stop, what have I done, really. It is one thing after another
I woke up fatherless today.Last night at around 2:30 God took my father home.I spent yesterday by his side reading from the bible to him.I pray he finds the peace he couldnt get in lifeI kove you dad