She is at a very fragile age, I remember being 15/16 years old, your whole life revolves around boys!
I don't think you are a bad mother at all, the best moms in the world can't stop their teenage daugthers from having sex, they will find a way!
My advise is to sit her down and have a nice, calm talk with her - without getting angry. Tell her why you are worried and that you have only her best interest at heart, and that one day she will understand and thank you for it.
I really hope you guys can sort things out!

Oh Jules, how common is this now, and it is not a reflection on your ability as a parent at all, it is more a young girl trying to fit into an adult world when she is not yet old enough. How scary and frustrating it is for you and your husband, and it may even be so for your daughter. Go to her, guide her, be there for her, love her just the same. Do all the things a mother would do. Take her to see your dr, school councellor, or psychologist. Talk to the boy if necessary about your concerns or even to his parents or both. Your best deterrent in this is for it to be out in the open, it will certainly make the kids think you find it inappropriate and will not let it just go by. At the end of the day, when she is 25 she needs to able to say I love you mum you supported me through thick and thin
My daughter is 23 and is only just starting to come out with things, like she appologised for all the times she swore at me and how now she feels totally disrespectful if there is a song swearing while I am in the car.
Parenting is not easy, but it is possible.

This does not make you a bad mother. Nothing apart from keeping her locked up forever will stop her from being a teenager and under huge pressure to have sex with boyfriends. It doesn't matter how much we warn them, guide them and tell them not to have sex until they are ready and old enough to understand what it's all about.
How well do you know her boyfriend? I think your husband should be talking to him too and that you don't approve at all and will take this matter up with the police.
As for your husbands career, is that as important as him letting out his understandable anger?
I could understand you wouldn't want his reputation compromised but if his career comes before your daughter, there is something that needs to be re-thought.
If you take the easy way out of this, who will have done the worst thing?
What would Jesus do?

Take a few deep breaths and try to relax a little bit. It is devastating when we find out that our kids are sexually active. I just found out this past summer that my son took that leap. Needless to say...I cried and could not get it out of my head for two seconds. Running away or harming yourself at a time like this is not the answer. Your kids need you. You havent failed. Like it or not...our kids are going to do this whether we keep them locked up 24/7 or not. She is a girl at an age where everything is romantasized and there is tons of drama in her life. Hang in there...she is going to need you when her and this boy break up. Your other kids are going to need you when they think that they have found that special person in their lives. Hugs hon.

It is hard but many of us have been exactly where you are & have lived through it.

Please put her on birth control. Hugs

Whoa....put the breaks on here a bit.
Yes, it is criminal for a person of age to have sex w/ someone who is underage (in your country 18..it varies) BUT...Was the sex consentual? Maybe your daughter won't tell you the truth about it, but here's the thing...if her dad is angry to the point of wanting to hurt her, and you are upset beyond words, she will never come and talk to you about her personal life..and you don't want that.
Your daughter having sex at 15 IN NO WAY makes you a bad mother. If she waited until she was 38, it wouldn't make you a good one. A good parent raises their child to the very best of their ability, allows them to grow, and always keeps the lines of communication open.
Maybe you and your husband can take a couple of days to think about how you want to handle this before you make any snap decisions on how to "punish" her for this. I am sure she is in a very fragile state right now.
Communication is key here. You won't have it if you don't allow her the chance to talk to you about what has happened. Maybe you need to have her seen by a doctor and placed on birth control.
Please understand, that if this was my daughter (she is 13)..I would also be flipping out, but a calm head in important when talking w/ your kids. Save the falling apart for when you and hubby are alone. This has always worked for me, but maybe not for others. I just wanted to offer my POV..
Take a deep breath, let your head and heart settle, and keep the lines of communication going..I wish you the best! xx

i'm sorry you are in pain...

i don't quite understand why you feel you've "failed" as a mother because your daughter had sex or why you feel like you've "lost her" because she's had sex...

i don't think either of that has happened... but that's just my opinion...

You are taking way too much credit for something that is not your fault. Teens are horny little buggars and they will do it.

I do not feel you have lost your daughter and is in no way shape or form you are responsible for her actions.

She is still a separate individual and is capable of making her own choices.

I do believe though that it is important that you and your husband tread carefully and do not lose your marbles over this. Otherwise you may just lose your daughter, the very thing that you fear.

let me just say i was super wild and rebellious as a teenager......and i think i turned out alright :) give yourself some time to calm down--emotions are heightened right now, for you AND her.

the other point i would like to make is the my father committed suicide when i was a child. he, too, thought he was doing us a favor. i cannot even begin to tell how very wrong he was. i've struggled my entire life, trying to understand. i finally do, at age 30, but it really messed me up.

please just give yourself some time. it's not the end of the world :)

By all means get your daughter educated about STDs and birth control.

Also, rather than reduce the boy to a pulp make sure that his parents area aware that YOU are aware. ANd the boy needs to be aware that DNA testing is very accurate.

OMG...Calm down, take a breath and know that it's not your fault. I was 15 the first time i had sex. It was horrible. I couldn't believe sex was so bad. My parents knew nothing about it, and didn't find out until years later. You can not run her life as much as you'd like to, she is her own person. Educate her about how to be careful, and what happens if she isn't. maybe you all need a little time before you approach the situation to come to terms with it. Best of luck. Please do not try to make her feel any worse than she does right now. Teenagers are fragile, and soon she will be a grown woman. She will remember how you treated her so make it as decent as possible for her, or you wont be the one she goes to for advice and comfort. Stay strong, stay calm.

you havent failed as a mum, at all.
parents literally have no control over when there children have sex, and who with for that matter.

talk to your daughter if you can... when everyone has calmed down.
i dont know if she open about things like this with you/or anyone in the family. but try to at least see if she did have sex under her consent. if not then, take things to the police.

locking her up wont do her any good, although you think it will.
too some girls boys, make up and sex are everything at that age, it may make her feel cool.

perhaps set some rules down for her now you've found out she had sex. you cant stop her from doing anything but maybe put a rule to her that if she continues a sexual relationship with her bf then she has to be on the pill/some form of birth control and no sleepovers at hers with her bf in the same bed perhaps?. seen as she is still underage.

not forcing my views at all, just saying and trying to help...
maybe also try and talk to her and say that she doesnt HAVE to have sex to be part of the crowd (at my school there was always a group of people who thought they were amazing cuz theyd had sex with like 5 guys by the time they were like 14 or something and that everyone who hadn't was just stupid... in there eyes) also not saying thats your daughter at all..., but if she wants to have sex for herself then thats okay, (well not okay from your point of view cuz shes underage but yeah), dont think that she has to do it to impress anyone at school or w/e.

hope this helps.

You're not a bad mother, if so then we're all right there too because this or other problems happen to all parents. It's hard. With my boys I had to keep a reign on them because girls also are very aggressive with boys the same as it is the opposite way. Oh yeah were they mad, I had to be the one they hated for years because I was the "no" parent... the one who went knocking on doors and the one shooing off the girls who wanted eagerly to procreate. But now that they are older they get it in a big way and appreciate all that I had to go through.

When they said,,, " 'so no so' is allowed I'd say,, it's not my fault their parents aren't doing their job" and EVERYBODY hated me for that statement, even other parents.

Do what you feel you have to and know that it's gotta be done, you need not apologize to anyone for it. If you have to snoop, snoop. If you have to go banging on doors, go bang on doors. If you have to snatch notes(this is how I found out a lot of things I HAD to know to raise them) then snatch them with no regrets. All we other parents have your back,, hugs

Oh gosh Jules, i so understand what ur saying & how u feel. Im having the same prob w my 16 yo. She was 15 when she 1st did. I put her on BC.
Its not ur fault what ur daughter does. She has a mind of her own & shes gonna do what she wants till she figures out how its gonna mess up her up if she gets pg, std or something worse.

Im here if u want to shit shat bout it, PM if u want to vent or just talk bout it. A yr ago, i was here crying the same blues & im still here. U will make it thru this tough time. If i did, u can too.

HUGS
Cathy