Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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I don't want to go to the light anymore

Anna1212
Anna1212

i don't want to go to the light anymore.  i have no interest in that anymore.  I no longer believe.  I have seen and experienced so much loss and cruelty and loneliness and rejection.  i want to go to the dark.  i belong in the dark.  it beckons me.  i belong gone.  i need to be gone.  the time has come.  what am i waiting for.  there is nothing left for me here.  i know only you would understand.  when you need finally for the pain to stop.  it just has to stop.  

shadowlady
shadowlady
Oh no Sweetie. I'm so sorry. Let's chat. I know what you're talking about. Maybe we can figure this out together. PM me.
Anna1212
Anna1212
thank you. it all started with having a really abusive family. I seemed never to pull out of that quagmire. i'm in therapy but it's like nothing really brings me up far enough to breath right and my family continues to treat me like shit and to take no responsibility and to blame me. why? what did I do to deserve that?
Lavender80
Lavender80
You did nothing to deserve that treatment. People are who they are. How they treat you is a reflection of who they are.

Try to focus on the good things in your life, and if there aren't many, try to create some new positive experiences, however big or small.

Happy Sunday Anna! Sending you light and love!
Anna1212
Anna1212
thank you Lavender. somehow I feel like I did something wrong to deserve to be treated badly. I know my sister is a narcissist and basically impossible to deal with. trying to be friends with her is like trying to hug a brick wall. my brother and father both physically assaulted me. they not there for me either when I need them and won't talk to me in a way that is not centered on their need to protect themselves. I haven't found friends or a husband and I don't have kids. I just feel bad all the time. I do the best I can but it seems like mean people do better in life than nice people often. I've tried really hard and been basically a good person who wanted to be part of a family but my family is impossible. I don't feel supported by them, I feel hurt and abused by them still. i'm in my fifties now. I go to therapy and I have a job I don't have any interpersonal relationships.
bethelbee
bethelbee
As others said, you did nothing to deserve the treatment you've gotten from your family. Glad you have a therapist and that you are reaching out here. I hope you know we care about you and are here for support. Do you live with or near your family? If so, is there a way you can separate yourself from them?
I am so sorry you are having such a rough time! Please message me anytime if you want to talk. Consider me a friend.
Sending lots of hugs❣
eli_mom
eli_mom
Hello Anna,
I’m so sorry that you are going through a tough time. Please talk to us, we are here for you.

I’m glad that you have a therapist. Please stay strong. It may be hard right now but I pray for God’s strength to help you keep going.
Please keep us posted. Take care of yourself.