Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I don't even know where I should post this to get some good information, but this is the board that I am on most often and there are a lot of good people here.
My husband and I don't talk. I think this is where a lot of my sadness comes from. It hits me from all angles though. We speak to each other, but we never talk. I feel that he has totally shut me out and he definitely is not there for me emotionally. I have made many attempts to talk to him but always get pushed away. I am also afraid to bring up many subjects for fear that he'll go off on me.
Example: I asked him the other day how his day was. He replied "It was a little strange." I asked him to tell me what he meant. He said that he didn't want to talk about it. He has never wanted to talk about it. I feel like I don't even know him anymore. Then later that evening, he was sitting at the computer and I was asking his opinion on something I want to try with our son. He told me that he was trying to multitask and didn't feel like talking and he wanted me to be quiet. I was very hurt by this. Then a minute later, he asked me to tell him again what I was saying. So I repeated my idea. He responded with a snotty How the hell should I know? Maybe you could try it.
Another time, I was telling him that I was talking to a friend of mine at work (a guy) about something trivial and he went totally ballistic. He used to always get jealous about things like that. Even when we were dating.
Sometimes though, he can be the nicest, most caring person. I don't know who the real him is. He just won't talk to me and it kills me. Then when I try to talk to him about issues that I have going on - he gets mad and tells me not to tell him my problems!!!! He asks me if he comes to me with all of his problems. I say no, but you can. I'll always listen.
It's been like this for years, so I don't think it's ever going to get better. I think about leaving so much, but I am terrified at the thought and I still love him and I don't know why.
Does anyone have any advice to offer? Please?
My husband and I don't talk. I think this is where a lot of my sadness comes from. It hits me from all angles though. We speak to each other, but we never talk. I feel that he has totally shut me out and he definitely is not there for me emotionally. I have made many attempts to talk to him but always get pushed away. I am also afraid to bring up many subjects for fear that he'll go off on me.
Example: I asked him the other day how his day was. He replied "It was a little strange." I asked him to tell me what he meant. He said that he didn't want to talk about it. He has never wanted to talk about it. I feel like I don't even know him anymore. Then later that evening, he was sitting at the computer and I was asking his opinion on something I want to try with our son. He told me that he was trying to multitask and didn't feel like talking and he wanted me to be quiet. I was very hurt by this. Then a minute later, he asked me to tell him again what I was saying. So I repeated my idea. He responded with a snotty How the hell should I know? Maybe you could try it.
Another time, I was telling him that I was talking to a friend of mine at work (a guy) about something trivial and he went totally ballistic. He used to always get jealous about things like that. Even when we were dating.
Sometimes though, he can be the nicest, most caring person. I don't know who the real him is. He just won't talk to me and it kills me. Then when I try to talk to him about issues that I have going on - he gets mad and tells me not to tell him my problems!!!! He asks me if he comes to me with all of his problems. I say no, but you can. I'll always listen.
It's been like this for years, so I don't think it's ever going to get better. I think about leaving so much, but I am terrified at the thought and I still love him and I don't know why.
Does anyone have any advice to offer? Please?
He's already said that he doesn't have the time or motivation to go to therapy.
He can be really mean to me. He knows that I have anxiety and depression and he often tells me that I am crazy, mentally ill, etc.
What you need to make clear to him is that you are setting some personal boundaries now (going to therapy until you feel better/if he is rude to you, leave the room, etc. because you are unhappy. Keep the focus on yourself, not him, or it will come across as nagging. I hope this makes sense.
I hate to say it, and I'm no doctor, but he sounds like he suffers from depression or possibly bipolar disease if he has the Jekyll/Hyde thing going on.
I wanted to say that after you drop the subject about therapy if he won't go, to please work on yourself at getting happy and healthy because he will only drag you down further if you don't nurture yourself. Take it from me, I've been abused emotionally and verbally for almost 5 years and I'm still trying to heal and get healthy enough to leave him. My progress has been very slow so I'm probably not even qualified to give advice, but I have done a lot of research and studying about all this stuff and took classes too. But so far, unfortunately for me, it's remained only knowledge, not action.
Hopefully you can take some action to help yourself. I wish you luck.
I wish my husband would shut up! lol