I once had felt this way and I was lost for a while but I see how wonderful my family can help me and love me and I don't wanted to hurt them and they give me back hope in my life. Please get counseling. Like I did. It would really be a good idea, be blessed

Hi Vii.

I went back to read your first post before commenting here.

It"s just my opinion, but it sounds like your boyfriend is all about control. That is not healthy for a relationship.

You have suffered a tremendous loss with the miscarriage and if you are not seeing a counselor, I would urge you to do so, especially since you are thinking thoughts about harming yourself, or feeling like you would wish you had died.

Maybe start a journal, and write it all out. You know the things that make you feel crappy, and you were able to put some of that feeling here, you say you love this man. Maybe write out exactly what you love about him in your journal too.

Sometimes, for me in my world, my perception of what is happening isn't really what is happening. sometimes my unhealthy depressed mind perceives things different than they are and its when I do the side by side comparisons that I either figure out its worse than I believed or its way better than I believed.

and maybe get the number for the suicide hotline for your area to talk with someone where you can the human warmth on the phone . triple hugs

Today is a bad day for me. I just cant seem to win. I am very depressed but it sounds like you are feeling hopeless which I think is different. Journaling can help a lot I all so think seeing a specialist would be a good idea. It could be a combination of strees ,things you been through in the past along with a chemical imbalance. You are worth more than you realize and seeking help is so important. I went to a cardiolisest because I had blocked arteries. I went for counsling because I was depressed. So please seek the right help so you can feel better.

You urgently need some help from the medical profession. Your mental condition is dangerous to yourself and others unless evaluated and treated.

You don't have to live this way. Get yourself to a mental health professional and get evaluated, diagnosed, and treated. This will last forever ... and possibly become worse if you don't.

I am with you, I feel you. I have been you. I am still you.

Please look for some professional help and take care of your body, And above all else, do not give up!

this is definitely not a stage in life everyone goes through...wishing to die and actively killing yourself? no, that's a serious issue which needs to be addressed. if you're not talking to someone about this, you need to be. if your family and loved ones don't know about this, they need to know.
call a suicide hotline, get information on resources available to you in your area. if you don't have support in your relationship find out where you can get it outside your relationship - no one can live this way.
but i've been there. and if you need to talk i'm a good listener.