Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Between anger and depression , I don't know what to do anymore , I just have a rage a hate , I can't let the anger go ,
Can't afford therapy and can't seem to find it free,
Iv been separated for a year , my ex has dated another which killed me , to think of her in my bed ,( I left the home with my daughter) and in my home , with my daughter, was enough make me boil over
So my ex tells me they've broken up and begs for another chance to make our family work , so stupid me agrees ok we'll try slowly for my daughters sake, and the family . I grew up with no father and I know what it did to me, I also have raised my 19 yr old as a single parent and know what it did to him ,
So we start visiting each other sleeping over , ect then my daughter was with her dad this weekend and tells me that the girl he was dating and her son was with them all weekend ,, I can't handle it , I want to choke the shit out of some one , and spent family day skating with them and won't respond to my calls my text ,, I'm so hurt but I should have known better it makes me sick , knowing she's in my bed where I was only 2 nights before,, and never mind what my poor 7 yr old is thinking mommy one night her the next , I just want to loose my mind , I just can't let go of this rage , it's not only this that makes me crazy it's just an example , but I'm running on 2 hours sleep Iv been pacing and sending him nasty messages and just can't stop , this anger consumes me , totally some times I scare myself ,, Iv read a million books , they don't help,, can some one point me in the right way please ,, I can't live like this anymore it's killing me , ruining the happy funny , good mother and person I once was ,,
Can't afford therapy and can't seem to find it free,
Iv been separated for a year , my ex has dated another which killed me , to think of her in my bed ,( I left the home with my daughter) and in my home , with my daughter, was enough make me boil over
So my ex tells me they've broken up and begs for another chance to make our family work , so stupid me agrees ok we'll try slowly for my daughters sake, and the family . I grew up with no father and I know what it did to me, I also have raised my 19 yr old as a single parent and know what it did to him ,
So we start visiting each other sleeping over , ect then my daughter was with her dad this weekend and tells me that the girl he was dating and her son was with them all weekend ,, I can't handle it , I want to choke the shit out of some one , and spent family day skating with them and won't respond to my calls my text ,, I'm so hurt but I should have known better it makes me sick , knowing she's in my bed where I was only 2 nights before,, and never mind what my poor 7 yr old is thinking mommy one night her the next , I just want to loose my mind , I just can't let go of this rage , it's not only this that makes me crazy it's just an example , but I'm running on 2 hours sleep Iv been pacing and sending him nasty messages and just can't stop , this anger consumes me , totally some times I scare myself ,, Iv read a million books , they don't help,, can some one point me in the right way please ,, I can't live like this anymore it's killing me , ruining the happy funny , good mother and person I once was ,,
You can read books about it, go to the therapist, go to your minister, or your best friend, but let me tell you, nothing they say is going to ease your pain. Nothing I say is going to either, but I'll give it a try. I hate to be this blunt, but I am just trying to tell you the truth as I encountered this in my life.
I finally realized that my anger and hatred were only hurting me, and my children, because I had totally lost who I was before him. I started thinking of how I could make myself feel better about myself instead of worrying about him and what he was doing with his girlfriend. He didn't care about me, not one bit. He wasn't losing sleep, I was. He was going out to dinner. I couldn't eat a bite. The kids wanted me to do things with them, and I didn't have the energy. He zapped it all out of me, and I was exhausted.
I had given him half of my life. I had treated him like a king, and I got treated like a maid. He had not shown me real true love for a long, long time. Yes, we had sex, but we were not making love. It was going through the motions because he was horny. It didn't have anything to do with me or our marriage.
I had to remind myself of that over and over again until I knew what it meant and that it was not my fault. I had tried so hard to be a perfect little wife for him. He just took advantage of it and began to expect it. He was a jerk, and actually, after a while, I was glad that I was rid of him so I wouldn't have to go through the rest of my life living with him.
The good Lord helped me through my feelings of rage and hate. My kids helped me through because I could see the hurt in their eyes. My Mom helped me through because she read a passage from the Bible that said if a man is cruel to his wife, she can leave him. Mom said that even though my Ex had never hit me, what he was doing was just as hurtful as if he had beaten me.
He belittled me, called me bad names, made fun of me in front of friends, and everything I did was wrong or not good enough. He would go out drinking and spend all the money we had for food and bills, and then expect me to put supper on the table at night. We ate a lot of beans and rice.
What I am telling you is that YOU are the most important thing to take care of right now. You need to heal so your kids can heal. It took all the effort I could muster up to not go over there and kill him. Believe me, I thought about it. Then I thought about my kids and that they would have no parents, so I dropped that idea.
So I thought about going over to his house late at night and putting bird seed all over his perfect lawn. It would take years to get rid of all the weeds. Or, going to the pet shop and getting a bunch of crickets and letting them go on his front porch. They would keep him up night after night. I thought about making a bumper sticker that said "For a Good Time, Call (Her #), and put it on his girlfriend's car.
Oh, I'm just being silly, but good grief, I had to do something sometimes to make me laugh. :) My heart grieves for you, but I know you are strong and will make it through this. When people came up to me and said, "I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce." I would say, "Oh, no. don't be sorry. I am finally free to be me again."
After a long while, I got back with my elementary school crush. We had dated when we were 16, and broke up. He went into the Navy. I married the jerk. I got divorced. He got divorced. And oh my heavens, we were absolute magic together. We both knew God had blessed our marriage. We both finally knew what God intended for a marriage to be... pure and unconditional love.
I don't know if I helped you in any way, but feel free to contact me if you want to talk some more. I promise I will be here for you every step of the way as you start this next journey of your life.
May God bless you and keep you all the days of your life and throughout eternity.
Your friend,
Karen
out now, rather than later, and wanting to get over all the rage for your
own sake, and your little daughter's sake, will help.
You need your sleep. It's as bad as beng intoxicated, when it comes to bad decisions. Weeks or months from now, you will be so glad that you are over him, free from his dishonest, sneaky ways, forever.
You are totally entitled to every feeling you have, but you have to stay in control. Nothing he would say could possibly make any difference.
It may not be what happened, but often people want to see if they can reel the person in, one more time. If you hadn't completely gotten over him in the last year, you can now, and there are better things ahead for you.
Deep breaths help you relax and think more clearly. 4 in - hold 7 -
out 8, and concentrate on counting. It really helps.
I hope you post again just to let people know that you're doing ok.