It sounds to me like you need medication. I have been on Anti Depressants for years and they work. They help you put things into perspective so that your thoughts and ideas are not scrambled and you don't feel so desperate. When my children were younger I would flip flop between taking meds and not taking them. I would look at other people who weren't on them and wonder why I couldn't be like them. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was born with a low Seratonin level. Depression runs in my family and I realized that if I couldn't do it for myself I had to do it for my family and from that point on I decided to live my life out of denial.

There's nothing wrong with you, there's allot wrong with the world and society and some people are more sensitive than others to this.
You possess what many lack and more people need.
It does hurt and it does make life difficult but it also puts you in the position of not being a sheep.

I'm tired too TooMuch. I'd do anything for more moments of connection and solitude. All you can do is put one foot in front of the other and hope tomorrow is a better day.....

toomuch have you read "perfume"? it's an amazing novel, and there's a part in it where Grenoulle (sp??) goes and walks to nowhere and nothingness. And stays there for a few years. I found it really deliciously cathartic, that part of the book. :D

The novel itself is amazing, but your post reminded me of that part of it.

I read in a magazine the other day that some people have some kind of 'mental disorder' where they can't stand the sound of other people sniffing or eating. Well hey, I thought. So.... manners is a mental illness now?

They'll find an 'ism' and they'll give you a pill for it, but the thing is if you're reacting to things you can't tolerate, you need to take that seriously and ask why. I became during the end phase of the marriage, actually allergic to being insulted. I became allergic to being put down. I have slowly over the years become allergic to spills on benches by my children (the youngest is 19!!), clothes rotting in bedrooms, I am psychologically allergic to a couple of people, as well.

I do what I can to get through any episodes but I take myself seriously. If I've had a gutsful, it's probably because I've put up with too much. Nature's way of saying 'stop tolerating this! it does you harm!'

I can relate to your pain, I'm sorry your feeling this way, the world is a very hard place to be, because we have to interact with people we don't know and deal with situations that we never even encountered or experienced before, or worse experience everyday. I feel very alone in this world myself, I feel like people just don't get me, I don't fit in anywhere, pretty much walking to the beat of my own drum, and that flags society that I am antisocial, mental, not with the "In group" so something is wrong with me, but atleast I know that is bullshit, It's really hard if you don't know it's bullshit. There is nothing wrong with the way you feel, go with it, realize your a very important part of society, people can learn from you, we are all different in our own way, and by no means any less important than the people who walk around thinking they are it, because they have it all, so to speak. So, I don't know if I have touched on some stuff, and I don't know how old you are, but at any age, life is what we experience and dealing with it is difficult without the tools, so when I figure out the tools, I will let you know, so far, I haven't mastered the illusion of a grand life, it's a puzzle and probably one no one will ever figure out. I don't agree with a lot of society rules, but I keep within so I don't get arrested. LOL! We all do. I hope this brought you some sort of comfort. If I could kill a few people, yea I'd be better off, or if I could bring some people back that are gone, that I need right now in my life, like my dad, I'd bring him back. I can't handle the world either, so your not alone. Sorry for the rambling, but this topic really hit me, I can relate.

Dear TooMuch, ever heard of "Be the change you want to see in the world"? Mahatma Gandhi said those words. I think everyone thinks exactly as you wrote here at some point in their lives. I encourage you to smile. Sounds too simple but just like sneezing and yawning, smiling to another person or people can generate many more smiles, a chain of smiles. The world, as you call it, has always had good things, bad things, it is really how we deal with those things that makes a difference. Everyone in their lives feels pain, or missed connections, or feels a little separate but that shall pass. You know how people grow? By going through the stages of life, no shortcuts. I encourage you to be more active. Activity releases endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Having friends, and loving your family makes you happy. A healthy social circle makes you happy. Remember no one is perfect. Not you, not your friends, not your family. We all at some point experience disappointment, but that is part of life. Don't numb life. Life provides you with experiences. You'll see that everything you experience in full enriches your life.
Sending you a hug, prayers, and a huge smile. Lots of love to you!

Talk to your doctor. It sounds like you may need medication.

God Bless

I think we all feel this way sometimes but yours sounds more severe and more often. I would talk to a doctor about medication. I'm on 20mg of Lexapro and I have no complaints! Helps me a lot.

Thank you for the responses. <3 I have a lot of thoughts about a lot that you've all said but I'd like to respond when I'm able to be on my computer later today. Just wanted to say thank you for now!

catskyn, I'm sure that could be a part of it, but I am not wanting to medicate right now, as long as I am coping and doing alright. Like EJ1 sort of said, I don't often feel like I want to numb these feelings.
bridgie, thanks again, you always seem right in tune with me. The thing that was bothering me the most at the moment I posted this, the final straw for the day you could say, was something that is a recurring discomfort to me that isn't so to anyone else I know, most meaningfully not to my partner. I think I like what you're saying. If it bothers me it fucking bothers me and I don't owe myself or anyone else and explanation. I have a right to actively avoid shit that bothers me, even if no one else on the planet gets it.
Hugs, Mending, thank you. <3
Thank you Jenn and bob and kenznoel too. I really appreciate everyone's input. I don't think medication is an option for me right now, but I know it is there if things get too hard to handle.