geez honey i really feel for you. sending you lots of love and positive vibes.
maybe you could write down what you really think you should say to your doctor. ive done that when i know im too chicken to say stuff.
lotls of love.

i cant right it for you, but a text back with a 'please dont give up on me theme' could probably help fix the friendship.

didmt work... he says he doesnt want to talk to me no more... says je needs frends and im not one of them

And you seem to be such a nice person on here. I can't imagine anyone losing patience with you. I hope you find the help you need.

Of course he's worth it, he was your friend.

I am sorry that you don't have people there for you, I don't think I can either... and waiting for a therapist, that I know won't be of use because it is a style I've tried before and it just doesn't fit with what I need... so I was totally alone and suffering. I have found a hell of a lot of support here, people are genuinely kind and because they know what's it's like I have found it easier to speak to them. Plus, for me, not seeing them, not knowing them and knowing that at anypoint I don't feel comfortable I can just click the little x in the corner really helps.

It is so hard for you.

I have lost friends in the past because I pushed them away and isolated myself, I am not going to give you advice but for me, the best solution would have been to accept their feelings, to apologise for how I am right now and to work on getting myself better so that when I spoke to them again, I was the person I wanted to be.

I wish you all the good things in the world. I am so sorry you feel like this.

Was this guy someone more that just a friend to you?
Come to DS. You can almost always find someone online to talk to. I know you will find friends in "real life". In the mean time, welcome to the family!

I have been a member of DS for almost 3 years....

There are always new friends on the horizon. I once heard the saying that friends are strangers you haven't met yet. Your friend may be going through a bad spell, you might here from him again after awhile.

Maybe a CL could move this to the CC?

I have only been here a few days, if you want someone to talk too soon then I will be here for you.

It's 4.46 and I've haven't slept hardly at all for the last week, so I just don't think I would be good enough for you now, but in the future, if you would like I would like to speak with you. Can be about good things too!

CLs cannot move threads. Only close 'em.

Try to open up to your doctor .. they can only help to the point they know what is going on. You are limiting your chance to be helped.

I feel so embarrassed afterwords, and nothing ever comes out right. She looked at me like I was a freak

I know you have been here 3 years, my anniversary is coming up too.

Maybe she is not the doctor for you. Or . maybe you surprised her somehow... I don't know what was said. Don't need to know. But .. here is the bottom line .. if you are paying to see a doctor, and you are not getting what you need, something should be done .. right??? Either change doctors, tell 'em what they need to know, or both ... right??? Most everyone on DS IS helped by their professional care, .. either the medication or the counseling, or both. Don't cut yourself short on either.

I hope you will establish a good relationship with a GOOD doctor/therapist/counselor .. and start improving your life.

That's the idea of it all. You deserve happiness.

Perhaps you could practice opening up to your cyberfriends. WE don't even know your name, or phone, or anything but what you type to us.

If you don't open the storehouse of your hurts and get them out, will you ever get past the place where you are? If you do not trust yourself enough to trust someone else, even in this artificial place, can you ever learn to connect with "real" people?

Hard questions, and not easily answered. And only you have the answers. I pray for your willingness to be willing to risk telling someone. Support 4 U, and a hug!