Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I'm a teacher. I enjoy my job. I seem to be good at it, I don't know. My students seem to like me. During the day, when I'm at the school, I'm jovial, I get along well with colleagues, students and parents alike, though sometimes not perfectly. I'm up at 5:30AM everyday, and work non-stop throughout the school day, and then well after. I teach students at all levels, from regular to advanced placement. I sponsor clubs, I attend football games, plays, events. And more.
And then I go home.
I'm alone. i want to die. I hate everything about myself and who I am. I'm an utter fraud. No friends, no lovers. I fantasize about killing myself. I pray for it. There are times where I can feel the heft and cold steel of a revolver. No more reaching out for help. No more pills to take. No more conflicts between whether I should or shouldn't. I physically want to harm my body, whether it's something as extremely as maiming or laughably pitiful such as sunburn.
I've researched, and the pain seems to ease when I plan for ending it. I've taken pills, starved, drank excessively, the methods that seem to appeal, but I just can't seem to find the right amount. Then, after all these thoughts for the evening, I pass out. I wake up the next morning, and it starts all over again. As I drive to work, i can feel everything from the night before fade.
It will only be a matter of time before I start to no longer care about the work, before I can no longer justify the trip to school, staying for family, my students, hell, even my cat.
And then I go home.
I'm alone. i want to die. I hate everything about myself and who I am. I'm an utter fraud. No friends, no lovers. I fantasize about killing myself. I pray for it. There are times where I can feel the heft and cold steel of a revolver. No more reaching out for help. No more pills to take. No more conflicts between whether I should or shouldn't. I physically want to harm my body, whether it's something as extremely as maiming or laughably pitiful such as sunburn.
I've researched, and the pain seems to ease when I plan for ending it. I've taken pills, starved, drank excessively, the methods that seem to appeal, but I just can't seem to find the right amount. Then, after all these thoughts for the evening, I pass out. I wake up the next morning, and it starts all over again. As I drive to work, i can feel everything from the night before fade.
It will only be a matter of time before I start to no longer care about the work, before I can no longer justify the trip to school, staying for family, my students, hell, even my cat.
DS will help you find online friends i guess, to vent out to. don't lose hope. don't hurt yourself.
big hugs and wishes to you. we are here for you
How long have you been divorced?
Sounds to me like you are suffering 'divorce slam'. I wish you could admire yourself ... and be happy being with yourself .. which some people call 'alone'.
Think about it ... if you liked yourself, others could like you also. You have time to make friends, find a lover, ... all kinds of things to fulfill a life. Spending that time "alone" wanting to die and hating yourself ... has no purpose. It can kill you.
You need to love yourself more than anything else in the universe. Treat yourself VERY well. Have 'things' you want. Do things you like. Discover what it is like being 'alone' with you. It doesn't have to be painful .. it can be rewarding. If you could make that change .. there would be little to no misery in your life ... and you could enhance that with a good future.
I dunno ... seems like you are punishing yourself . and I don't see a good reason to do that.
Good luck to you. It is your choice. You can decide what you are going to do. Admiring yourself is not a bad way to go..
I enjoy my job, really the only thing left, but even that's starting to fade. I have nothing left...absolute nothing! You see you're not alone; there are others in just as much (maybe even more) pain than you - this is the only consolation I can offer you right now...life sucks the big one!
( I have not read your profile so this may be a wrong assumption. ) You may have situational depression that does go away and stay away. And in your personal life, who knows how things may change in six months, or a year, or two years.
I hope being in this group will make things feel better, and that things truly do get better right away. Hugs.
I would start with seeking out a professional. A short-term anti-depressant may also prove very helpful. It did for me. It will help you to start the work at getting at the root cause of the depression, which can be so crippling. Keep us posted. {{gentle hugs}}
"You need to love yourself more than anything else in the universe. Treat yourself VERY well. Have 'things' you want. Do things you like. Discover what it is like being 'alone' with you. It doesn't have to be painful .. it can be rewarding. If you could make that change .. there would be little to no misery in your life ... and you could enhance that with a good future. "
This. Which pretty much says it all.
Please, please make an appointment with a psychiatrist and get screened for depression. It doesn't have to feel this bad.
You have so much to offer this world.
You clearly have so much to offer this world! You just have to find something you really love doing and makes you happy, and throw yourself into it! For me, it was hiking and being outside in the woods. I'm a huge nature dork... Find out how to love yourself and the wonderful person you are and everything else will fall into place.
Good luck! :)