Just before Johnny Cash died he made a song called hurt. For the longest time that song was exactly how I felt. I would put it on my radio and cut myself because I wanted nothing more than to be free from being hurt so much.

Yes I know there is help here, but it just isnt the same. Im afraid to trust only because I have been hurt so many times by so many. Ive cried my heart out so many times that now, in this time of pain I wish nothing more than my own release into the abyss, and for the happiness of those who would be saddened by my pssing. I live not for myself, but to please others, it's in my nature, and my nature has also hurt me to the core. I am weak and others can sense that, smell it on me almost, and the child within begs for approval, begs for love, and prays that pain will not come again.

I have loved, lost, hurt, cried, mourned, been beaten, stabbed, shot at, drowned and raped... being left for dead... though somehow through all that I managed to stand back up, and brush the dirt off. This time I cannot. My heart has been broken so many times that this time, I cannot sew it back together. Too many pieces strewn among the seas of pain to many pieces shattered and lost. There is barely anything left... and I cannot trust whats left to just anyone.
I dont know how I managed to stand back up all those times. I have no idea where my strangth came from, but here and now in this time of loss, I turn now to whomever will care to help me. Please, be gentle with me, Im fragile. I honestly want to rebuild myself rom this too, and I know I will need help doing it. Whos willing?