I can never truly leave. I know my boyfriend is not the one, he's verbally and physically abusive almost every time we see eachother. I keep holding on to my memory of him when we first met four years ago. So charming, now he charms his friends and bartenders, and is a monster to me... But still I stay, why... Bc its easier than finding someone new, maybe I believe I can't find anyone better like he says. I feel like this can't be it for me.. But see no other options. Struggling with extreme depression, anxiety, and relapse issues, alone... Wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy... I have a really important job interview tomorrow and can't sleep bc I'm thinking about who he is with instead of me. He always tells me he is busy doing like chores, or work and instead he's actually drinking at a bar. This can't be it.. It just can't. He tries to break up with me and calls me horrible names and hurts me. Then apologizes and says he loves me. It seems to simple... Just focus on me, but I can't. My father was abusive, physically and b verbally , to my mom. I wonder if I'm looking for a similar personality (addict) to "fix"