I don't know what to say other than,

Gentle hugs

I would have to say that having depression does not exempt you from having to deal with people or emotions. If you are making him upset enough to swear then you need to find out what to do about it. And take him seriously. Don't be a prig and tell him off for something as irrelevant as swearing. adult life is not clear cut. You cannot get angry with someone for swearing - they are swearing because you are frustrating them. Investigate the cause of this frustration and fix it. 9 times out of 10 there will be a simple misunderstanding.

bridgie101> I never said that I told him off! In fact I hardly said anything at all. Most of what I did say is problems that I have with my mental health and that's about it. I never swore at him either.

Could it be that your dad is just frustrated because he is worried about you and does not know how to help?


Maybe you can find a part time job....it will get you out of there for a few hours and you can start saving up for your own place :)

Mjones I'm sorry. I must have come across quite mean.

it's just... when we have depression or anxiety, both of which I had really really badly, we have to change the way we see the world in order to get out of that.

Being personally hurt by things that are not personal, is one of the faults in ourselves we have to cure. So, for instance, when dad swears: imagine he's a kitten growling. does that freak you out? No.

He's expressing HIM self, not attacking YOUR self. He's under pressure, and this is his release.

So we have to look at what put him under pressure.

Which is a completely different place to look, than having hurt feelings and thinking he 'should not swear'.

A child will say 'you should not swear'. An adult will say 'what made you swear?'

We overlook the inconvenient bits that are simply the cream squirting out of the donut. We focus on what made the donut squash.

So that's where I am coming from. You and he are having to live together after a long time, and you can guarantee that he is putting up with some kinds of inconvenience or discomfort as well as you.

He will have a feeling of discomfort that anybody is even in his home. Being there. It will make him feel that things are different. that he is not in control. That life has changed on him.

The older he is, the worse that is going to feel and possibly the fewer tools he is going to have to handle it.

So don't be cross with him. And don't feel hurt by him. it's a journey he is making inside himself. Just as you are.

You don't actually know if he has depression or anxiety either - because he's highly unlikely to tell you. You BOTH have to find a way to be careful and kind. And you have to lead by example.

:D

xx. all the best. I have a Mother. I would write that in italics if I could. My Mother. But she loves me. And if we have fights, I always remember to let it go immediately. Tomorrow is another day. All the garbage we got wrong - just sweep it out the door. Start tomorrow fresh and clean. All sins wiped away.

bridgie101> Thanks for such a good reply. I appreciate the advice. I get where you're coming from.

Mjones I'm sorry - I just saw your thread where you tell us dad's a what, a prepper? survivalist? Doom and gloom?

My heart goes out to you. I bet he has severe anxiety. I had a boyfriend who was like this. He loved nothing better than to tell us all the world was going to end and we were stuffed. he would come out with crazy conspiracy theories and if I proved him wrong he would have a tantrum.

I only worked out when we broke up that he had a severe anxiety disorder (which he was drinking heavily to medicate. the drinking I knew about) and I worked this out when I worked out that I had an anxiety disorder. I saw my symptoms, and then I saw his at last, and then I saw my mother's - and all sorts of stuff fell into place!

If he has an anxiety disorder you have to especially forget everything he says yesterday, but he won't - he'll stew. He has to learn how to let go. And of course he may be getting dementia too.

Just hang on in there imagining he's a kitten. :D I'm so sorry.