Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I don't know how much longer I can keep this up...I can't seem to tell the people I need to that I'm just so depressed I can't do anything in a timely manner unless I really enjoy the activity and it's rare I get to do that. Everyday all day sometimes I just wanna cry, but I can't. I'm scared to cry cause all I can see when I think about just letting loose in my mom standing there yelling at me telling me to grow up. I feel like my life is a lie. I just can't decide what I need to do to make things better. I've gotten so fed up with my mom I ran away to New York because whenever she wanted something from me all I could think about is how I would love to have the satisfaction of killing her so I never have to listen to her again. I ran away cause I was about to snap I got as far away as I could towards people who understood me and took good care of me. Within days she found out where I was begging me to come back home and a month later I ended up returning home because I missed my nephew and my grandparents and my step dad who was torn that I left without saying anything. I stayed with my mom immediately after I got back thinking maybe things would be fine now that we had time away from each other. I couldn't stand her anymore then before but I was far from feeling the action I had once wanted to do. Point to this is memories of my mother haunt my life and it's tearing me apart and I can't deal with it and I don't know what to do. Everything just seems so strange to me and I feel like I'm blinded by her so much that I can't act upon anything without considering what consequences there were in the past. I've yet to be totally free to be the adult I am. I'm so unhappy with my life.
fatalerror0x00
Another thing is it's been so long since I've cried and I've tried to make myself cry before and I just can't seem to cry and when I feel like I'm gonna break out crying I get anxiety thinking someone's gonna see me and it's gonna cause a whole scene and I just don't wanna deal with the bullshit :( it's almost like I've forgotten how to cry...
muskrattiger
it sounds like you have a lot of things that just realy need to come out ...............i think if you havent already you schould get a counclor or a phicatrist to help you deal with thes depreshion there is no shame in getting help if you broak your leg you would go to the hospital and get it fixed and not think twice about it well you have depreshion so you need to go to the right places to get help ..............we werent made to keep everything inside it only makes us sick it needs to come out to help us get better ..............and it sounds like you just might have to move out from your moms not to far away but just not in the same space to give your self the space you need to help take the anzitie dowen so you can begin to get better ........................i will be here if you need to talk .................you might not be ready to cry there might be to much backed up behind that dam and who says you have to cry right now it will come when it comes ......................take care of your self i will keep you in my prayers ..........god bless
deleted_user
Sometimes when emotions get overwhelming I journal. Have You tried journaling? I've had deal with stuff my mom did a lot and it's been hard. Being in therapy has helped me tremendously in getting through some of the muck. I've had to learn to parent the little girl inside of me who is afraid of getting into trouble all of the time. It's taken time but I can now stand on my own two feet and not think of the past. I'll be thinking about you as you try to figure things out.
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