Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
tonight i was out doing some personal shopping because i dont celebrate xmas, well ever since sally died and my kids were taken away from me. i ran into a couple of old friends who were out and about. they looked good and man after i got home i looked at myself and thought, wow do you look like shit. if i didnt sleep all the time and not have any motivation to help myself maybe i wouldnt look so bad. the issue is i cant get the fire i once had to help myself, i know its a matter of time before i slip back into another bout of deep depression. i know for a fact come xmas day i will be getting trashed off my ass, and nobody will stop me, nor convince me to not do it. i hate having low self esteem and feel ugly every day of my life. all i want to do is get fucken drunk and stoned, thats the only time i am even remotely happy. i dont want to goto counseling, i dont want anyone to feel sorry for me, thats not why i post these. this isnt a ploy for sympathy, i refuse to be one of those people who seeks that out. i know i am destroying my body and mind, but i have nothing so why try. all i am going to do is continue to do my college work so i can get a loan. with that money i will use it to get my drugs and booze when i want too. those are my xmas gifts to myself, a nice big bag of weed and a big bottle of liquor. happy holidays
I know you don't want anyone to "feel sorry for you", but I do feel sorry for you.
Life Is Just So Precious. Please Don't Throw Yours Away.
You can start over............. It's Never Too Late.
As Long as we are breathing.........There Is Hope.
I'm not giving you sympathy, but I am someone who will encourage you not to get fucked up.
three - The feeling you described on your trip shopping hit me right where it counts. I often feel that way...."What happened to me?" I say "What happened to her?" because I like to think I'm my own gaurdian angel taking care of me.
(hope you follow this) Sometimes it IS valid to say that you are this way because of the heartbreak you have experienced AS LONG AS you identify what you need to do about it, and work towards that. Your psychological needs were not being met and it HURT. It hurt like hell, and all you are trying to do is maintain. Sometimes, I think that is depression. The maintenance of it all, after the point you learn "accpetance", "radical acceptance"....tis not enough....You need love, affection, pride, warmth, company, friendships, security (yes i said it), healthy relationships, laughter to strive. Feeling good comes from replacing the things that broke our hearts with the second chance that turned out so much better! Unfortunately, that's hard to come by.
So I, myself, create my own world of "so much better" until the real thing comes along. In the meantime, I am my own gaurdian angel. I look after myself. I pick myself up with I fall. I literally imagine this....mmmhmm it works for me.
I would like to urge you not to get too fucked up, just because (and I'm sure you know this, I just gotta say it) it just feels worse when you sober up, ya know?
Other than that, I am truly sorry you lost Sally, and that your kids are gone. I hope you can look forward to and create a better life for yourself. Hugs.