Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members
160,807 Posts
4 Online
Mental Health
/ Depression Support Group

How do you stop loving someone

eshaw
eshaw
I have remained friends with my ex for 3 years. This person helped raise my daughter for 8 years. This person is my daughters parent and I respect and love this person with all of my heart. I ended the relationship because I didn't feel this person deserved to tolerate my depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and mistrust. I let this person walk away. This person moved on, started a new life and is still an amazing parent to my daughter. I have hidden the pain that this separation caused me, and have done everything to pretend I don't have feelings anymore. I NEED TO MOVE ON. I just don't know how to stop the pain when I look at or talk to this person. This person is getting married next weekend. I am invited to the wedding. And I am terrified that some tears might slip out my eyes and someone might notice. I love this person's new partner and just want to see this person live a happy, beautiful life. I guess I've never grieved this persons loss because I have wanted to be strong and do what was best. I do not regret the decision I made because this person is happy. But my heart hurts a little and I don't want to let down my guard when I see them kiss and exchange vows. I'm afraid I might break open all the pain behind the mask I hide behind. I guess I lost myself in this person, and I don't know how to find myself again. Can anyone relate?
koolman
koolman
Love someone or something else! And there's a fine line between love and obsession. Ask yourself if you're loving or are really obsessing about, being covetous of, this person. If thinking about and dealing with this person causes you so much pain, obsess about something else that causes you pleasure, contributes to GOOD health. Sports, fantasy characters in movies, TV and printed fiction, hobbies like photography or gardening, exercise.
koolman
koolman
As far as masking pain, why? Why mask pain? EXPRESS pain! Go ahead and cry at the wedding!
koolman
koolman
In order to move ON, we have to move INTO, and move THROUGH. Yes, I can relate to what you're feeling, and when my pain turns to ANGER, when I'm in the presence of or am thinking about the person I've loved, I know I'm in a healthy recovery phase, and have truly let go and moved on. You sound like you're not in anger yet.
koolman
koolman
I'm not saying direct your anger TOWARD this person, no, and don't do anything crazy at the wedding now, but when you feel that anger, direct that anger into something else that will actually do you some good, like physical exercise. It'll make you strong, powerful and self-sufficient, believe me.
AK32
AK32
This is difficult I agree. I recently got divorced after 13 years of marriage & we have 2 kids together & still have to see each other every day. And most people don't realize that losing a marriage is a grieving process, much like having a loved one die.
There is a great book --The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition
John W. James Russell Friedman---it helped me become more aware of my underlying feelings & grieve the loss of my spouse they divorce. You should check it out
Razor91
Razor91
Maybe you should let yourself cry and let out those emotions.
Col82
Col82
like Razor91 said let it out and cry it helped me after a 2 year relationship ended we had so much in common just wished we stayed friends at least but it looks unlikely. also friends and family may help too just keep urself busy it will take a while but it will ease eventually.
survivor69
survivor69
LOVE YOURSELF MORE AND LET GO OF THE LOVE 4 THIS PERSON.
U CAN LOVE YOUR CHILD MORE TOO......................
GBU
D
;-O
survivor69
survivor69
PS. DONT GO TO THE WEDDING.
eshaw
eshaw
Thanks everyone! Great advice! I do need to learn how to deal with/express pain. I avoid it at all costs, including to my health. I love my child to a fault prob almost codependent with her too. I do have low self-esteem and need to work on that too. I am planning on going to the wedding, I think I can handle it now. Though I'm curious if I will make my ex uncomfortable. I don't want to do that. But I was invited so???

Also, AK32, thanks for the suggestion on the book, I'll look for it.
jkj68
jkj68
I cannot relate but I just want to tell you how wonderful of a person you are that you still want happiness for him. And wish him well in his marriage. Not many women can move that far so you are doing great!

Hugs,
Jul
bayrabbit01
bayrabbit01
We depend on our souses or significant others as far as relationships go. It is good that you have stayed friends with your significant other for your child's sake. It is also good that you ended this relationship because you felt that it was unfair for him to have to tolerate your mental illness...although isn't that what a spouse is for...in sickness and in health...till death do us part?? I guess it depends on how often he had to tolerate your mental illness and if your mental illness manifested itself in a mental way or a physical way.....however you do know that you have to MOVE ON...and that is the first step to actually MOVING ON!! Now what you need to do is to get back out there. Easier said than done, but you have to start somewhere!! Just make sure that once you've found someone to date, who is into the same sort of stuff you are into,...make sure you disclose the scope of your mental illness...just so they "know what they're signing up for"...and just so you both know you are on the same page.

Good luck my friend!!
gramybear
gramybear
i can relate. I was married and friends with my boy's father for 42 years and never really stopped loving him. He committed suicide 3 years ago this past March and I think I cried louder than even his wife. So I understand that sometimes a certain love just never dies, even now after he is gone. As for the wedding, let the tears flow and if anyone asks, just tell them they are tears of happiness and joy that he found someone you really like. They won't know the difference, only you will. Some love never dies and it's okay. Hugs GB
torrancelj
torrancelj
Hi eshaw! I feel you're pain because I also have to deal with an unrequited love, not at this level but it's hard to see one you have feelings for move with their life and be happy without you. What I've realized is that to move on though you have to find love within yourself and see the positive within you and YOUR life. Sometimes we don't fall in love with that person but how they make us feel and the only way to become free from this is too find within what you were looking for outwards(in that person), inwards. Once you find that you can let go and be happy. And also I have problems with expressing how I feel just like you, just remember no one's perfect, let it out if you have too or you'll end up letting out in worse way than you should.We are human. It'll be ok. Message if you want to talk more. Sincerely
Torrance