Can you be more specific, Edgar/Barbara?

How can we help or advise if we don't know what the problem is between you and your Mom?

Please let us know how this dynamic is ...

EDGAR, I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM, DWELLING ON THINGS BAD THAT DONT HAPPEN.
I THEN CHANGE MY EMOTIONS AND START SINGING HAPPY SONGS IN MY HEAD 2 GET MY MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE.
GBU
DRENA B
;-O

My name is Barbara. Screen name is man's because i got so frustrated with names I tried to use when regestering were already taken. Story with mom. Verry long. She was sued. Long time listening to her fears. That were exagerated cause of anxiety disorder. Case just got settled. She tells me all her problems. Has many. From small to big. She always asks for help. Make phonecalls. Order her things. But her franticness and anxiety in her voice triggers my anxiety. And I act on that anxiety alot. Which means I mess up stuff sometimes. Nothing bad has happened from my messing up so far.
But I feel stressed out waiting to see if everything will be ok. She complains that she needs pain meds and is almost out. Overthe counter kind. Brother won't get them. Pharmacy wont deliver anything unless she is ordering perscription. She has real bad arthritus. And needs pills now. I ran right and mailed her some. The package didnt come untill five days after the postoffice said it was delivered. Meanwhile she was calling me everyday to tell me the pills didnt come yet. I could write a book of my interactions with mom. Many more things big and small.

Barbara

If she is not in a living facility It may be the time to put her into one?

I would love to put her in a facility. She would never go. For a lot of reasons. Plus all her money would be gone real quick. She deeded the house to brother when she dies. And is obsesed with saving as much of her money as she can so brother can have money for home expences. And normal living expenses. He is on SSI. Foodstamps taken away whenhe moved back home. He was thrown out cause he didnt keep place cleaned. Including frig and oven. Mom thinks he will be homeless if she doesnt give him home. She is probably right. Waitingists for apartments are years long. He has personality disorder. Is selfish and gets angry easy. He is not goi g to live with me.

Barbara

I am still confused.

So.. your mother was sued and you have spent a long time listening to her fears..??? over the lawsuit??? Does your Mom have means she wants to protect?

She needs over the counter type medication for pain, Brother wont get them for her and pharmacy wont deliver. She expects you to mail them to her. Is your mother unable to go shopping for herself? It sounds like you do not live at home but Brother does, or nearby.

I think your Mom misses you, and you might be feeling guilty for not being there.

Yes I feel a little guilty. Part of the reason I dont visit is my own anxiety. Have to drive back roads to get there. Wont take beltway. If there is road closure partway there I have to find my way to highway. Just got GPS but sometime it takes you wrong place. And Im almost as afraid of getting on and driving highway as beltway. Yes she misses me. But thats not why she asks me to help and tells me her problems. She has said over the years that I'm the only person she has. Brother moved home six monts ago. He lives with mom. It takes me an hour and a half to drive to her house. We live in two different counties. She is not rich. And I would understand if she was worried about having enough money to live on for Herself until she died. She always said about the lawsuit. What is my brother going to live on when she dies. I have repeatedly told her I would help him financially. That I would make sure he had a place to live and enough food. She keeps worring about him. She said he is young and has a long life ahead. He will soon be 54 years old. She constantly worries about everything. She uses a walker and is 89 years old. No she doest shop herself.
Barbara

Barbara

You certainly have a mess on your hands. No wonder you have anxiety troubles.

Your Mom must live in a very small town if waiting lists for apartments are years long.so there likely isn't much in the way of social services..

How about a church group that would send someone to visit her once a week or so to see if she needed anything.