I am 20 years old and have felt numb for as long as i can remember. I feel numb and like nothing is real, sometimes i wonder if i was to kill myself if i would really die or just wake up. Some days it starts with a slight sadness and builds up intil i cant get out of bed and i eventually go numb and dont feel sad anymore. It has become hard for me to love my girlfriend of 3 years as well. She is my first love and i want to let her go so my sad feelings wont affect her anymore. There are times where i get so numb i dont even care about her but i never break up with her because i know ill regret it later. Im just confused as to why my brain is like this and i want to fix it so bad. Ive done countless hours of research and have found that i may have depersonalization but have found no cure after years of trying to get better. If anything its only getting worse and its only a matter of time before ive had enough.