After we heard unkind and cruel words in our past, we give them far too much power. In our minds, this is all we hear, so this is what we believe. We need to reach out and focus on the positive feedback we get from others.

Depression is a tricky thing. Meds are sometimes trial and error at first til you find the right one (and dosage) As long as you are isolated and just continue to give (and feel used) you will feel so incredibly empty. In my opinion I think you should make an appt and speak to your doctor. Explain how bad you are feeling and I do believe they will agree they should try something to help you . There is a terrible stigma with depression and mental health (but it is not nearly as bad as it was years ago) Circumstances would lead me to a brief stay in mental health. Between this stay and another in an inpatient family care for ACOAs, I would come to learn that most people these days would do better ON meds than off. ( Many struggle endlessly when they could find
some help)

I can relate to being so drawn to animals and children. It is because THEY love us unconditionally... and we (you and I ) know how it feels to be without that and that is why we could never deny that love to them. All we have been through has made us who we are today. I hope and pray that you may reach out for that help (from your doctor, a friend or group to support you.) You need someone to fill your cup back up.

PS If you are feeling that bad, maybe check yourself in to mental health for a brief stay . I was terrified to go, but my sister convinced me (as I was at a point like you) and took me in. There I would get 1 on 1 counseling, as well as therapy with others and social workers who help me resolve issues that I could not cope with before that. You will find support and encouragement to help you to deal with the problems that overwhelm you when in that big black hole.

Love and hugs, Kim

The strength you show to confront this problem is incredible, take note of that. I had similar issues growing up as a coping mechanism. I'm a talented artist but would always be uncomfortable with praise. I personally beat myself never to get to high so that when I fell, it wouldn't hurt so much. This ' infection' spread in me and I would beat myself down on everything. Convinced I want worth dating, loving, friendship, and even basic love for myself. This all stemmed from an emotional upbringing where I was awkward from growing a full foot from ages 12 to 13. My coordination suffered and I was viewed as odd and weird. Once I filled out I was actually quite attractive but kept myself very low to keep from getting disappointment. This lasted a very long time and even now I still have a little battle. But I've learned that self criticism only poisons you, I started fighting back but laughing it off and even mocking agreeing with my criticism. Yeah I'm stupid... That makes you stupid too Mr criticism. I took myself back bit by bit by stopping being cursed by my past. I've done some INCREDIBLY DUMB things in my life... But I'm the only one who knows it, very few others remember it care about past. We all learn from our mistakes and even a bit of self chastisement is healthy in our respect to ourselves and our own personal pride. But degrading is unacceptable, get angry at yourself for saying such names tell yourself ' don't ever call me that again' again your strength in just writing is far greater than millions ever even want to consider. Love.

certainly not a psychoanalyst, but sounds like a sign of high anxiety. I think there are other factors involved too. I strongly suggest you get back with the doctor and resume his treatment plan ... and even update it if necessary.

I am sensing a number of treatable things going on.

You've taken the first step in realizing your self-talk is not productive. Now, work on constructive criticism and improvement.

1. Create a list of things you've done wrong and what could have been done better.
2. Now congratulate yourself on the first step towards self-improvement.
3. Work on telling yourself that working on the list, and taking small steps for change is an accomplishment which you are doing. I think you will find things getting better.

Please try to sleigh your negative thoughts by audibly saying NO if necessary and writing down positive affirmations to replace your negative thoughts.
The happiest people are those who are conscious of their spiritual need. The best friend anyone can have is God, who provides wonderful help in his Word, the Bible. Psalms 34:18 "God is close to the brokenhearted;
He saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Wait until the fourth thing you think of that does not involve name-calling. &/0r regularly ask for advice of someone who cares for you

Maybe more frequently depressed are folks in rest homes, all of us get up in those ages. Processes can become so difficult, person is unresponsive or comatose. Try to keep active, mentally and physically, & interact with others in a constructive, caring way.
Severe injuries could be a common origin of depression, but some learn to overcome, eg., military paraplegics engage in athletics.
Stroke victims can overcome depression with good care givers.