I'm sorry to hear that you and the man you're dating are going through this.

One of the unfortunate things about depression is that the condition itself makes people not have the will and energy to get out of it, makes sufferers push away those who are close to them.

I think that spending time away from social contact is not good for people with depression, even if that's what they say they want. (That's a vicious cycle of depression.) The metaphor of "battling your demons" misrepresents the challenge, I think. It's not as if there is something that you can directly confront and defeat. Instead, you have change your life habits and patterns of thought. When you make these changes, it's not as if you defeat demons, it's more like you realize that those demons were not real and that there was no fight to be fought.

Overcoming depression is a long, hard process that often involves setbacks, and it can remain a lifelong challenge, but having close relationships helps a lot, even though that is hard for depressed people to accept.

Good luck, and please let us know how things go.

People that don't have depression sometimes don't get it. Even I go through times when I don't feel like talking about my feelings. One of the major hurdles is that I feel like I have a tape that runs in an endless loop that tells me that I am useless, not appreciated and given the level of physical and emotional abuse I endured as a child (not to mention the bullying when I was in elementary school) from my parents, I wonder why I am still here. However, I have to constantly remind myself that I can choose to either wallow in my own negative feelings about myself or choose to ignore them as negative self-talk, and move on. One of the insidious problems for me is that I can literally feel my emotions rising or falling. Recently, I have helped some folks around here where I live only to be told to go "f" myself when I do something as small as saying hello and I am feeling some what triggered today or if I ask to be repaid when they owe me money. It is unfortunate that "normal" people think it is OK to take advantage of their neighbors and lie to them or flat out be abusive and nasty when people do a kindness for them. So, since folks around me have decided not to regard me, I have simply chosen not to regard them and they now know that they can't come to me for help. As AllGoodMan has said, this is more a process and I know for myself, I have to take it one day at a time, and quite often, one hour/minute at a time. This is not a battle between me and my demons, it is a cycle. I have found that staying away from people for me actually keeps me from getting worse because to my mind, people around my wife and me, don't deserve our friendship or regard. Where I disagree with AllGoodMan, is that I shouldn't HAVE to adjust me to suit everyone else. They need to be more cognizant that when you go out of your way to hurt others around you, don't be surprised that the people you hurt ignore and have nothing to do with you. These people are NOT demons...they are jerks and deserve no regard from anybody whatsoever.

I have actually had people tell me they don't have time and don't care about my "little" feelings...and these are "NORMAL" people.

SOME PEOPLE TELL ME TO "GET OVER" MY DEPRESSION.
THEY DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE TO B CHEMICALLY AND CLINICALLY DEPRESSED.
I DONT KNOW HOW 2 ESCAPE IT MYSELF OTHER THAN 2 CRY 2 THE LORD ABOVE 4 HELP AND KEEP TAKING MEDS.
I TRY NOT 2 THINK ABOUT DEPRESSING THINGS....................
GBU
D
;-O
PS. PTL I HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING HUBBY WHO CARES ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When we started dating I didn't know he suffered from depression so when he made up excuses or cancel our plans I would get upset, I didn't get it Eventually he disclosed he suffers from depression so I've been trying to learn and I understand, learning how to support him, how to help. I understand that he is the one that needs to pull himself out, I just want to learn how to be there for him. Sometimes I feel like staying away cause he pushes me away and I don't know what to do.
Thanks again for your words and helping me understand.

I am not quite sure that one can just pull oneself out of it. Right now, I am feeling symptomatic...so I know it just is going to take some time for me to adjust. Player, I would do as much reading as you can on the subject and survivor69 is right...you don't just "get over it". Part of this is bio-chemical and part of the treatment is meds. Unfortunately, some of the side-effects can conflict with other meds and can cause (in men and women) side effects in the bedroom. That is why I can't take them anymore. Not only was it causing problems in the bedroom, but at least 2 of them caused me to be suicidal and hostile and even more depressed. I am definitely not the nicest man on God's green earth, why would I take something that makes me even nastier to be around...it makes no sense. Have you tried letting him know that you are there (I am sure you did this) if needs to talk. Let him talk and ventilate...just listen. You don't have to agree with him...just be an active listener. I am taking a guess and since everybody reacts differently, this idea may work.

It sounds like he is in a deep depression at the moment and for many of us, the last thing we want to do is to be around people, talk , etc... We just prefer to curl up in our own world of darkness. No, it's not healthy, but that is how devastating depression can be. Does he see a Therapist? On any medications? And what type of depression has he been diagnosed with? I hope he at least sees a regular doctor who should, if he is a good doctor, will lead him to someone that can help. Please tell him that there are so many people who can understand and support him. And that he is not alone. And I want to thank you for being there for him. Hugs for you and for him.

He doesn't t like to talk about it, just like grammy says, he just withdraws and doesn't want to be around people including me. I've told him that I'm here when he needs to talk but he never reaches out. He is not seen a therapist or on meds, he is all natural and organic and doesn't like taking medication, he practices yoga and meditation- he says it helps - he also goes to the gym. I've told him that he needs professional help and all he said was "I'll think about it" He feels like he is burdening me and he keeps hurting ,me without meaning to. Sometimes I don't know if I should reach out to him or not.
I really want to say thank you cause I'm learning a lot from you guys, I'm seeing what he sees but doesn't want to tell me.
Hugs to you guys!!!!!