Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I've desperately been calling out for Joy. It promised me that it would stay by my side ever since I lost everything and everyone I ever loved. However, it feels like it doesn't even exist anymore. The next day, when I woke up, paralyzed on the bed, I heard its voice calling out to me. It didn't sound happy to see me though. I struggled to get up, but I fought Depression for a couple of minutes to get up. I found Joy beaten up, bruised, and locked up in a cage. I wanted to talk to Joy, but all it said was: I can't be seen around you. Then, she left.
Depression chuckled. Joy was doing nothing but getting in our way. You don't deserve Joy anyways.
It walked away. Through Joy's muffled screams, I heard Depression talking about how miserable it wants to make me until I kill myself. Why must it be so persistent with this? Oh, and here's the irony: I wanted my loved ones back, but when I get the chance to talk to them, I felt like doing something else. I always regret doing that, not talking to my family so much.
Everytime I'm in school, I get all sleepy, and when I do, I start thinking about my past; what would happen if I didn't screw up so much. What would happen if I never recovered from my autism. What would happen if I died in that blasted ICU! Now, I can't help but thinking that it would do the world a LOT better if I died. I hope to die before high school. I've been having that wish for a long time, even when I was extremely young. I tried to tell my mom, but she got angry and shook her head in disbelief. I tried to tell my friends, but they gave me the most heartless and inconsiderate responses I've ever heard, such as "Don't be so negative", "My life's worse than yours. Stop being so edgy!" or "Let's die together. I want to kill myself too! I'm just as dramatic as you are! I'm thinking of chopping my head off or something like that, since I know you're just joking." or "I don't believe you. Just shut up and don't give me that bullcrap again." or something like "You're in the magnet program! Shouldn't you be thinking smarter about your decisions?"
I hate it so freaking much. I want Joy back!
Depression is a liar. You deserve joy - that's why God made you.
way to being nothing alive = enlightenment experience
way to enlightenment experience = start
If you need some pointers, I'm here for the time being...
Right now, I'm looking for a job and not getting anywhere. My marriage is over and I've got a ton of bills I can't pay. So, I have a choice (and this is what is wonderful about gratitude, because it's not dependent on anything else, just your choice): I could focus on all the crap around me and get overwhelmed by it all, start the anxiety spiral and then the depression cycle, or, I can choose to be grateful that I have a hot cup of tea that I'm really enjoying, that I'm connecting with others through this forum.
The amazing thing about gratitude is that it forces you to be mindful (here and now with my tea) and not forward-looking about the bills and stuff (which leads to anxiety), or back at the poor choices I've made (which leads to depression). It forces you to be right here, right now, and if you're expressing gratitude for what's in the now, then Joy will come walking back through that door. TR