Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
A few minutes ago, I sat in my bathtub and cried to myself, "what reason do I possibly have to keep living?" I haven't felt that way in many years... This time, I wonder if I will actually go through with it...
Years ago, when I was 13, I wanted nothing more than to end my life. I had no friends and was being bullied in school. Teachers did nothing to stop my bullies and no peers stood up for me.
In the end, I was able to cope by writing. I started writing a story, which gave me something to delve into. I wrote every single day to this story, absolutely wrapping my life around this world and these characters that didn't exist. I found that this fictional world gave my life meaning...
Over the summer, I joined swim team, which physically toughened me up. I returned the school the next year much different - in fact, I was very mean to the other kids, which scared everyone away. It kept the bullies away and I was fine with having no friends. As I grew older and started to learn more about myself, I eventually did begin to make friends. During my sophomore year in high school, I found my first love. Today, he is my husband...
We graduated high school the same year and immediately started college. This is where things get rough.
I got a certification through school but have not been able to find any jobs; thus, I am stuck working entry level, minimum wage jobs. My husband ended up dropping out of school because his course was a disaster. It was not a real college, but a trade school. There are no teachers, so you have to teach yourself, and the school sets you on a system where you are allowed only so many hours. Of course, with no one to guide him, he ran out of hours. The school did not mention any of these things before he signed up...
After dropping out of school, my husband joined the national guard and then got a job. A couple months in, during one of his weekend drills, he got injured. After visiting a doctor, he was diagnosed with "exercise induced asthma"... He did have asthma when he was a child... Because of this, the guard kicked him out.
He also ended up losing his job. Basically, he worked security for apartments. The company lost a lot of properties and placed my husband on properties that were over 50 miles away, and gave him only two hour shifts. Obviously, we would have been losing money in gas, so he had to quit.
This triple whammy has left me feeling helpless. I won't deny that I completely disappointed by him. I feel like he has failed me time and time again... and while I know he could not control the situations entirely, I find myself thinking: "Why did you go to school for something you aren't passionate about? Why did you join the guard if you weren't going to put in the effort to get into shape? You should have tried harder to get a new job BEFORE you became unemployed."
The thing is... when he fails, I have to pick up the pieces. I paid for his gas and car insurance while he went to school because he did not work... Just for him to fail?
While he was in the guard, I pressured him to exercise and get into shape. He tried to tell me he exercised at work, but I don't believe him. Now, he's getting kicked out... and I feel it could have been avoided...
I know a lot of this comes from my mother... We don't make enough money, so we have to live with her. I'm thankful for her financial support, but she is very mentally abusive.
When me and my husband were young, she would say things to us like: "oh... look, you two are in love? Just wait, you'll get knocked up and then you won't love each other anymore."
She also wanted me to get back together with my ex-boyfriend...
Every time I am alone with her, she starts criticizing him... "See? He didn't exercise and now he's getting kicked out of the guard... What the hell do you mean he's dropping out? He didn't even fucking try!"
I hate myself for being so upset with my husband... But I really hate how things have turned out.... I realize that I dreamed he would be a knight that would take me away from my mother... However, he can't even take care of himself, let alone me... It's left me feeling like he's a burden... I feel like he's my child more often than my husband... just another thing I have to take care of.
I've been so depressed that I haven't been able to write in months... ever since he dropped out of school. I wanted to start cutting again, but then he will see the cuts.... He's been so oblivious and doesn't realize how I feel.... maybe he doesn't even care....
There's no way I could talk to my mother. She's a complete nutcase...
I've never been the one to do this sort of thing... To post on forums about my problems... But I'm losing the will to live. I don't see the point in living when he's just going to fail me again... I would rather die than have to live with my mother and now... I have to live with this man who keeps weighing me down...
Years ago, when I was 13, I wanted nothing more than to end my life. I had no friends and was being bullied in school. Teachers did nothing to stop my bullies and no peers stood up for me.
In the end, I was able to cope by writing. I started writing a story, which gave me something to delve into. I wrote every single day to this story, absolutely wrapping my life around this world and these characters that didn't exist. I found that this fictional world gave my life meaning...
Over the summer, I joined swim team, which physically toughened me up. I returned the school the next year much different - in fact, I was very mean to the other kids, which scared everyone away. It kept the bullies away and I was fine with having no friends. As I grew older and started to learn more about myself, I eventually did begin to make friends. During my sophomore year in high school, I found my first love. Today, he is my husband...
We graduated high school the same year and immediately started college. This is where things get rough.
I got a certification through school but have not been able to find any jobs; thus, I am stuck working entry level, minimum wage jobs. My husband ended up dropping out of school because his course was a disaster. It was not a real college, but a trade school. There are no teachers, so you have to teach yourself, and the school sets you on a system where you are allowed only so many hours. Of course, with no one to guide him, he ran out of hours. The school did not mention any of these things before he signed up...
After dropping out of school, my husband joined the national guard and then got a job. A couple months in, during one of his weekend drills, he got injured. After visiting a doctor, he was diagnosed with "exercise induced asthma"... He did have asthma when he was a child... Because of this, the guard kicked him out.
He also ended up losing his job. Basically, he worked security for apartments. The company lost a lot of properties and placed my husband on properties that were over 50 miles away, and gave him only two hour shifts. Obviously, we would have been losing money in gas, so he had to quit.
This triple whammy has left me feeling helpless. I won't deny that I completely disappointed by him. I feel like he has failed me time and time again... and while I know he could not control the situations entirely, I find myself thinking: "Why did you go to school for something you aren't passionate about? Why did you join the guard if you weren't going to put in the effort to get into shape? You should have tried harder to get a new job BEFORE you became unemployed."
The thing is... when he fails, I have to pick up the pieces. I paid for his gas and car insurance while he went to school because he did not work... Just for him to fail?
While he was in the guard, I pressured him to exercise and get into shape. He tried to tell me he exercised at work, but I don't believe him. Now, he's getting kicked out... and I feel it could have been avoided...
I know a lot of this comes from my mother... We don't make enough money, so we have to live with her. I'm thankful for her financial support, but she is very mentally abusive.
When me and my husband were young, she would say things to us like: "oh... look, you two are in love? Just wait, you'll get knocked up and then you won't love each other anymore."
She also wanted me to get back together with my ex-boyfriend...
Every time I am alone with her, she starts criticizing him... "See? He didn't exercise and now he's getting kicked out of the guard... What the hell do you mean he's dropping out? He didn't even fucking try!"
I hate myself for being so upset with my husband... But I really hate how things have turned out.... I realize that I dreamed he would be a knight that would take me away from my mother... However, he can't even take care of himself, let alone me... It's left me feeling like he's a burden... I feel like he's my child more often than my husband... just another thing I have to take care of.
I've been so depressed that I haven't been able to write in months... ever since he dropped out of school. I wanted to start cutting again, but then he will see the cuts.... He's been so oblivious and doesn't realize how I feel.... maybe he doesn't even care....
There's no way I could talk to my mother. She's a complete nutcase...
I've never been the one to do this sort of thing... To post on forums about my problems... But I'm losing the will to live. I don't see the point in living when he's just going to fail me again... I would rather die than have to live with my mother and now... I have to live with this man who keeps weighing me down...
deleted_user
Hey! You have so much to live for, don't believe the lie. The devil is real and he's convincing you that there's no hope, but there is. I'm not trying to scare you, just being honest. I did read your post. It sounds like you're in a tough position because you expect your husband to work and take care of you but that's not happening. And you still feel someway about it because you have to stay with your mom. My suggesting is to speak with a therapist. Remember you have choices. If people seem to be the problem, don't kill yourself over them. You might just have to change the people you're around & it'll change your situation. There's some hope on the other side. Hope this helps in someway. Take care.
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