So today I was celabrating my sister in laws birthday and my fiances brothers baby mom came and she started unnecassry drama. We never got along from the get go but I honestly have never felt so angry in my life than after the drama she started today. She dragged her 7 year old daughter into the arguement after telling her daughter about how no one in the family likes me and im not important to anyone. This was where I drew the line. I have never been so angry to the point where I physically wanted to hurt her. I am 5' and weigh about 100 pounds so people dont take me seriously at all when I get mad. I always control my anger and especially since this was a family affair I tried to control myself but enough was enough. I left in my car and completelty lost it. I left my fiance at the house and just broke down crying. I honestly just felt like no one could care less about me and was seriously thinking of what would happen if I got into a horrible car accident? Would anyone even care? I lost my father to suicide when I was 7 years old and I would never hurt myself but I have had thoughts of it but have never had any intentions of following through with my thoughts. I saw how messed up his suicide made me and I swore to myself no matter what I am going through I would never put my family through that again. I have absolutley no support from family and this arguement with my in laws was my breaking point. I realized today that no one will ever have my back and I am truly by myself. I am dealing with multiple chronic illnesses and going through testing to figure out why I ended up with blood clots in my lungs and that has emotionally taken a huge toll on me itself. I am on a huge list of medications and that is depressing enough at 20 years old. I no longer can sleep and have no appetite anymore. Im not sure how much more I can take before losing it all. I have no friends and no family, just my three dogs. I just wish I could have someone I could talk to for once.