Depression Support Group
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I get a sense from your post that you are seeing racism around every corner and I suspect it isn't so. I suspect you see some racism, but I doubt very much that it surrounds you. The trick is to realize it and remind yourself of that when you get anxious. The way you speak of seeing racism in your post matches well with how people with social anxiety and paranoia talk about other people that are causing their anxieties. Regardless of your race or the other person's; that person isn't thinking about you nearly as much as you imply. That person is thinking about him or herself and how he/she is being viewed at a given time--it's basic human nature. Try to let yourself believe that because trust me, the other people around you are more worried about how they're being looked at than quibbling over where you come from. Now these people may still have a narrow view that they're processing things with, possibly even a racist view, but who are we mortals to judge such things. Try and leave those judgements to God, we mortals have enough to concern ourselves with already.
Prayers bro.
Racism happens. I think if you are a person of any color, you are not immune to it. It doesn't make it right at all.
As you get older you will see that good things don't only happen to good people, they also happen for bad people. Justice isn't always fair, life isn't always fair. Being good and kind isn't going to guarantee you anything in life.
These are scary thoughts b/c it takes away the control we think we have over our own lives. But the only thing we truly have control over, is our reactions.
If you feel someone is speaking to you in a racially driven way, you have every right to speak up for yourself.
If you have felt a victim of racial bullying in school or work, please tell someone.
If you have been a victim of a racist crime, contact the police.
If you ever find yourself in situation where there's no one to tell, and the experience makes you feel alone, remember it's not your fault.
You don't deserve this. What you feel is legitimate. It will sting and burn. It will make you question humanity, decency, and justice.
But don't lose yourself in other's cruelty. Remember who you are. What makes you you. They don't know you. Your character, your thoughts, your personality, your light. That is untouchable.
Darkness, doesn't exist without light. Remember there are good people out there. People who are blind to color and open to love. People who are curious about you as a person.
As you get older...and expand your world you will bump into these people. You will see that the world is much more than these experiences that are currently dictating your frustration.
You will gain compassion for others, insight, and wisdom early on...from seeing and understanding this.
Sending you light and love!