Even in years when I had a couple of friends still living I usually spent Thanksgiving alone. But this year I'm spending it eating out with an elderly lady who has a good heart but is one of the most verbally abusive women I've ever run across. How I got stuck with her is a long story; the bad part is that I'm grateful to have someone to go out with, despite the fact that I won't be able to get thru the meal without getting insulted or getting embroiled in an argument. In my defense, I have to say I wouldn't go anywhere with her if I knew her to be malicious at heart, but that doesn't always make the abuse easy to take. Sometimes I can catch her in a good mood and then (if I'm careful what topics to bring up) we can have a sort of civilized conversation.

The only good news about the weekend is that a friend and I are going that Sunday to see a play written by an acquaintance of ours and being staged by a small local company. And I may cook a mini-dinner on Friday or Saturday for the solitary lady down the hallway who has dementia and no visible family (but I might not manage that). At any rate, this will be the first year in ages that I've been with people on Thanksgiving weekend.

Now if I can just manage to figure out some way to keep from being alone on the Christmas weekend, maybe I can survive this holiday season. For me, from Halloween (my mother died on Halloween) thru January 1st is a time of danger; I eventually gave away my gun because I was afraid of what I would do with it, and my clinician just recently told me that the meds I take would be enough to finish me off (I wish she hadn't told me that). What's sad is I don't even have anyone to leave my life insurance to anymore. Oh, well....one holiday at a time, I guess.