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Holiday Challenges

Bobby5000
Bobby5000

Background: well-functioning  wife for 60 years, a house move turned into serious problems 8 places to live, severe depression, anxiety for my wife, now situated in a nice house, but she has bought little to furnish it.  Depression and anxiety remain despite counseling and medication. 


Thanksgiving has always been our holiday and we had sometimes 20+ people.  We were planning on doing it this year and my wife seemed on board.  My youngest son, a corporate executive who gives a lot of parties, has said we needed to get a dining room set and new couch and made a number of suggestions and offers to help.  We looked, had a few we liked but my wife's sister had some negative comments and said we should evaluate the purchase for long-term and use a table and some folding chairs for the holiday.

Told my son today today, he thought that didn't sound good, then said some of the kids thought about it, and if we didn't have the furnishing and mom wasn't up to it and hadn't been able to plan we should have it at his house.  (he lives 15 minutes away).   My wife seemed devastated saying she couldn't do anything right.  This was causing not alleviating stress for her.  She seemed to be looking forward to the holiday with grandkids coming but as others point out, had not made plans.  She had planned and arranged Thanksgiving for at least 25 years without a problem but this was before her illness. 

I suggest we could expedite the dining room set purchase and return to our original plan.  What do you think?   

Andromeda8
Andromeda8
I think that you should do what makes you and your wife happy, instead of pleasing the kids and grandkids. Perhaps your son only wants to help out and relieve the pressures for your wife, as his parents are both elderly and hosting a party is a tiring thing. Someone has to clean up after everybody are gone, so your son just wants to help out his Mom.

If hosting a party would bring the family together then you can host it at your house, but make the kids to come around and help out, this would relieve the pressures and stress for your wife. What do you think?
Bobby5000
Bobby5000
My wording was a little confusing but my wife is 68. I meant she had been happy for her life until the problematic move.
sonnycamehome
sonnycamehome
Who cares if it’s a folding table or a new dining set?

If you and your wife would like to have family over, great! That’s a big step in the right direction so recognize that for what it is. The minute details really don’t matter - progress not perfection!

Perhaps, encourage and praise your wife for taking this step instead of further stressing over what furniture to use.

Make the holiday about the fun of family and the wonderful step forward she’s making and the details will fall into place.
annieheart
annieheart
Im 59 and after a serious health issue my son in law made the turkey and all the sides and brought it to my house. After that we started going to my daughters home for Christmas and Thanksgiving. It turned out to be enjoyable . I now look forward to being the elderly mom that comes for dinner. Doing what I use to is harder now and spending time with family and sitting back and relaxing is not so bad. It is so nice that your son is willing to carry on family tradition that you and your wife started. Maybe help her see it in a different light. Sometimes we have to roll with the punches . My oldest daughter had a hard time making changes in our traditions. Her husband wanted to include his grandma's stuffing. Its not what goes into the stuffing or where we eat it but who we share it with. I hope your wife can except the changes that we go through so she can enjoy herself.
angelscrydragon
angelscrydragon
Change can be very difficult to handle. I agree with @sonnycamehome. Who cares what kind of furniture you and your wife have. What matters is health, and happiness.
I believe that having something to look forward to helps in overcoming the changes that we all have to deal with. Whether it is planning a family get together or going furniture shopping. Those things will also come as they come.
Out of curiosity, do the kids know that Mom is having a difficult time with the transition? If not, then maybe let them know so that they can be supportive.
Bobby5000
Bobby5000
Thanks for all your help and insight. I think we have this resolved. People usually come for a couple of days. We will do the dinner on Wednesday. There will be less expectations and perhaps fewer people reducing seating concerns.
Making a regular dinner should be easier than an entire Thanksgiving and we'll go to my son's Thursday. I think everyone is reasonably satisfied with this.
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