I want to stay in bed all day too so tired of feeling this way. I
Push myself. My
Mood is dull. No feelings except thinking of bad things. You are not alone!!! I have been walking and went to yoga today. Didn't change my mood. Meds being changed. Paxil stopped working. Help!!

What would you say to someone in you position? You have the world on your shoulders right now, it's hard enough to push yourself to work when times are good or normal, what ever normal is. To top that off your husband isn't there for you, and you know he's not, that hurts. But the bills must be paid for the kids sake, I know you know this. Push yourself a little bit harder and don't let life overwhelm you. You'll get through this. Chin up.

How wonderful your mother wants you. My mother spent years telling me she was there for me right up until I needed her and then gave a pile of bullshit excuses.

So anyway what would I suggest?

I would suggest asking your kids to make you a coffee, turn on your computer, and help you to it. Once you are there you might find you are okay. But getting there may be a huge hurdle.

I would recommend having 'the talk' with hubby about getting his shit together.

I would recommend living with other adults who are functional. And by that I mean going to live with Mum if you need to. 45 is nothing. Go stay with her, because it will help you normalise back into sanity. You are lonely, aren't you. Isolated. You may well need a job in an office with other people. But living with a sane adult who can be a helpmeet and not a parasite may get you back into a routine, even if it only happens through her nagging. :D

Don't ever be ashamed to rewind to the start and have another go. Give your children the right examples; of facing the problem, figuring out a solution, and enacting that solution.

I recall similar posts from you in the past. There's no shame in moving back home no matter what age you are if that's what you need to do.

Hi! I can relate to your post. I'm 37 and I spent much of my youth in low paying service jobs, investing my time and money attempting to be an artist and actress, with no commercial success. When I became disabled, I really had no other skills to fall back on. I have often felt like life has passed me by and like I should have done something more practical when I was younger. That's just my personal situation. But, really, there is still so much time for all of us to work on our goals.

Here is a little list I've been compiling of people who found success after the age of 40, or much later:
Stan Lee, Charles Darwin, Vera Wang, Julia Child, Martha Stewart, Rodney Dangerfield, Vivienne Westwood, Kathy Bates, Laura Ingles Wilder, Toni Morrison, George Elliot (Mary Ann Evans), Raymond Chandler and Bram Stoker.
Success is however you define it, but its not too late for any of us. Please add to this list if you want :)

Nice list birdsbones! I'll accept 35 as my age for success LOL.

Confusedandscared you said season so I am guessing taxes. No one likes April fwiw. I had to move home more than once because of the severity of my depression. I am currently formulating my final exit strategy as I have officially decided that coming back here is absolutely not an option. Living under a bridge? Sleeping in my car? Definitely options! Never coming back. But I'm thinking more along the lines of a roommate for apartment alone situation.

But I've been through this revolving door more than I care to admit. I guess it just depends on if you want to work things out with your husband. Is he also suffering from depression or another mental health problems and can't work? If he's getting help, then maybe this can be worked out or at least if he's willing to get help. Don't move home with your mother if your gut tells you not to. I think if you want to, you might want to test it out for a for 1 to 2 weeks with you and the kids there and your husband at home . See if even a short amount of time with her will work. If it won't for a week or two, don't move home. It will only make things that much more worse. I wish I had more answers to share but I think it is worth considering if you want to go down that road.