Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hello everyone, I'm new to sharing my thoughts/feelings with people and have never felt comfortable in therapy, so I thought i would give something like this a try! Ive struggled with anxiety, depression, panic attacks for most of my life, but my anxiety and depression have gotten to a point where they control every aspect of my life.. In May I quit my job as an MRI tech at a veterinary neurology hospital after a panic attack/suicide attempt. There were many reasons leading up to that moment - ethical/moral dilemmas, being given responsibilities I was not properly trained for (vet tech stuff/emergency cases), being asked to do the impossible, and finally the last straw which was a few of the doctors/staff refusing to wear masks. I got sick twice in 2 months, the first time I got bronchitis and ended up in the ER having trouble breathing. After bringing the issue up with management, nothing ever happened. It got to a point where for all of those reasons I was having panic attacks almost everyday on the way to work. One morning I blacked out and woke up 20 hours later after apparently taking too much medication. After that I started seeing a psychiatrist who upped the dose to max on my antidepressant. Ever since then I've been at home with my boyfriend, just passing the time by smoking weed and staring at the ceiling.
The past few months have been exhausting, but now I feel numb. I have TMJ and have been unable to open my mouth very far without pain/popping for several months now, and as a result of this + the depression/anxiety I have completely lost my appetite and at least 20lbs if not more. Eating, talking, yawning, even smiling/laughing too much physically hurts. Treatment is expensive and due to being unemployed I can't afford treatment/surgery. Just like most, my financial problems have been a big factor in my anxiety especially over the last year. I havent paid my rent/other bills in months. It just seems like this nightmare that never ends, and I don't know what to do anymore. I completely ignore all mail, unpaid bills, my account being overcharged - i just can't handle that stress without having a full blown anxiety attack.
My boyfriend and I are about to celebrate our 6 year anniversary. He worked in live sound, mainly concerts, so he was laid off at the beginning of the pandemic. Being at home all day everyday together has actually been amazing and our relationship is as strong as ever. We want to get married and have kids more than anything, and we were so close to being financially stable, but now it just seems like thats not going to happen for a very long time. I worked so hard to get where I was, and everything just fell apart. So now what?
How am I supposed to move on in life feeling trapped like this?
Smoking a little weed doesn't seem like a big deal, but in times of crisis, it pays to be as clear-headed as possible. I'd also be concerned about the prescription meds. If they're in any way addictive, I'd be looking to wean myself off them ( carefully ), while learning to cope with the ups and downs, which you will do.
When we put in the effort to improve our physical health, our mental health usually improves as well. Not all your problems will be solved, but you'll have the strength to cope with them and keep going. Most of us are stronger than we know. Believe it and take care of yourself and each other. Keep moving forward each day and you WILL make it!
Thank you so much for checking in on me, no one else does. Honestly, im doing even worse now, i havent eaten in days because i have no appetite and my jaw hurts too much to eat. I had a really bad panic attack yesterday morning (pulse over 160, sweating, shaking, hands closed up), so i took a xanax (0.5) which i normally take and function just fine with but for some reason i slept from about 2pm yesterday until 7am this morning. And then just this morning i found out my mom (who is an ultrasound tech) had a patient last week that ended up testing positive for covid, so shes been exposed and is having symptoms (pink eye, headache, sore throat). She doesnt do well at all when shes sick... so now i have that anxiety clawing at my brain and it just feels like nothing will ever get better.