Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
hi, i'm not really good at reaching out to people, but it's gotten to a point where I'm literally self-destructing.
I'm generally the kid who always gets perfect grades without studying much, because I have great memory when I pay attention, but this past month or so I've been failing and getting literal zeroes in pre-uni calculus and data management. I have 3 offers from really good unis, but I feel completely overwhelmed more than excited (a lo-behold family members who shame me for being stressed out rather than excited for 'a new chapter of my life' cause you're not getting any younger, eh?). I'm completely burnt-out and feel like screaming whenever my teacher speaks in my online class, like an awful minute-long rage that results in feeling like you've just drank cement for the next few hours, similar to an awful mini panic attack. I've been dealing with my abusive mom turning everyone on me to repair my relationship with her by playing the victim card, stalking me online and stealing my photos and invading my privacy and posting fake heartfelt captions under them that result in many of her friends and co workers pressuring me and shaming me for running away from home, but she's not the least of my worries (they sound like a lot when I type them out, but it's more or less been the same thing for almost 4 years now). The only reason she can't stalk me irl is because I been living alone abroad since I was 14, but now with the quarantine, having 5 roommates who are extremely noisy only adds to my stress and I just feel like shouting and generally being violent when I hear someone talk (so irritable I really hate myself right now). My father's girlfriend has been trying some stuff behind my back, generally being critical of me and soiling me in family gatherings (accounts of my grandma. I'm not close to my father at all because he is completely emotionally unavailable, but still depend on him financially which is stressful cause he's never been reliable in the least) and from past experience, I fear that the small support I get from him in the form of finances will fade very soon. I do go to therapy, but I don't feel like it's helping and I'm just in a constant cycle of perfectionism, self-hatred, self-criticism, guilt and a constant burn-out. I have no idea how to deal with everything anymore when I'm a 17 year-old being forced to make decisions that are meant for people 3 times my age like my parents.
(sorry this is so long)
About the family, don't pay attention to the parents and family, especially their antics. Block them out, otherwise you will be drawn in and made to take sides. Concentrate on your studies, and aim for those universities that you have been dreaming about. If you can get a scholarship, you won't have to worry about getting on Daddy's good side to get financial support.
Of course you are worried and burnt out; you have pinned your future on your education. It is normal to feel anxious and panicky, but consider that getting a university education is another step in your life, one of the easiest step in a lifetime of stress and challenges, so enjoy this moment whilst you still can.
Life is not perfect; plans do come unraveled; love yourself but don't self-hate; self-criticism is good for personal development; never do anything against your conscience to feel guilty about; take a break when you feel burnt out and resume when you are mentally psyched.
Good luck, and take care. Marie :)
Mood Rings its good that you are reaching out. I reached out here about a month ago when I was really at my lowest point since the start of this pandemic. I I am kinda going back and forth to spend time with family in order to help me cope with the loneliness and isolation I have been encountering and it has its moments.
What I am practicing is just non reaction and staying detached whenever things are said that are hurtful or mean, just know that most times its never anything personal and rather it is coming from unhealed parts of the other person. It helps me at least and also is like refusing to throw more fuel into the fire, preserving your own power and not giving it away by losing energy in fighting. Its not always easy. I also try to focus on the persons strengths rather than their weakness and for example if someone says something I feel is hurtful and undeserved I ask myself, hmm I wonder what this person is going through right now that is causing them to lash out at this moment?
Either that or just accept that quite possibly this can be karma from a past life or present time, maybe with my thoughts or deeds etc, somehow I may have attracted this to me and rather than fight it and lost energy, I will just accept it, that maybe it is clearing up some karmic debt, But that doesn't mean one needs to be a doormat either, we can still set healthy boundaries with others and when they cross them, pray they are not narcissists and that they will respect them.
Welcome to family karma. I'm not going to sugar coat it but most families go thru this and even I went thru rough patches in spurts growing up and in my teens and 20s even older. You are normal for feeling this way, and I just want you to know from experience you are not along in this. I hope that you are able to gain your independence much sooner than I did so you can free yourself and become independent and that way you can decide when and how much time you want to spend with your family. Maybe things will heal, healing takes time, and we all have our own issues we are dealing with however it is unfair when we feel like we are left with the burden of everyone's issues as it can feel that way at times.
By the way I am not clear so are you actually living with family right now or with the 5 roommates abroad? Either way, if I may make some suggestions which I posted to many other members here on daily strength, just try and carve out some self nurturing time. If you are able to take a hot bubble bath with salt that would be a treat. The salt is very cleansing for the aura and helps to clear away negativity. You can also do this by taking a walk in nature, sitting in sunshine allows the vitamin d to enter your body and will help to improve your mood. If the weather permits can you maybe even study outdoors for a while to get a break from the environment if it becomes too noisy.
Also you can give yourself breaks from studying by redirecting your attention once in a while, like watch a movie on netflix or a documentary, even if you watch it in segments like a half hour here, or an hour there, I find when I have been doing something for too long I get off balance and need to take periodic breaks. It can even be taking a quick shower, water itself is a healer and you will come out feeling a bit fresher and mind clearer. Use your favourite body wash or apply your favorite scented body lotion.
I posted some suggestion also on my journal so there may be others i didn't list here. Plan to post some more soon.
Hope you feel better and hope this offer some form of comfort and reassurance and helps if you try any of it!!
Blessings,
Celestial Angel