Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
thought about ending my life. I want to end my life. My losing my grip on my emotions and I don't want to feel anymore. I've made a millions mistakes and it weighs so heavy on me. I spent most of my feeling like I was a good man because I did some good in my life. My whole life I wanted to do good, I wanted to be a hero. I used to fight to protect loved ones from physical and emotional pain. I felt like a hero, especially when Sarah and John and those dearest to me called their hero. Some their batman and some their guardian angel. I've let them all down because of choices I've made. I've left a trail of blood and there's no one to blame but me. I've lied, I've cheated, I've abused, I've done bad things to those I loved and they trusted me not to. I physically abused an ex girlfriend and it broke me to my very core. I've never been the same since then. I have nightmares about every time I put my hands on her. The biggest mistake I made is I cheated on my ex which I had a child with. I have nightmares about the night she found out. I wake up to her screaming my name in tears. It haunts me like a ghost. I can't get the sight of her crying out of my head. It replays in my head over and over again. And now because of what I did, I lost her and my son, my family. She's gonna move on and the thought of her with another man makes me sick to my stomach and I can't handle it. I'm going to miss watch my son crawl, take his first step, hear his first word, watch him grow up and I can't deal with it. I've failed him. I want to die because I feel like a plaque that ruins people's lives and people are better off without me. I have no friends, my family is distant from me, I'm alone anyways. I feel like I'm son is better off without me. He doesn't need a father like me. I'll just end up hurting him and letting him down as well. I've accepted I'm not a good man, that I need to quit playing hero and realize I'm just a villain and I deserve punishment for my mistakes. I hate myself so much. I just want it all to end. I want the pain, the guilt, the shame to end.
We have all done things that we are not happy with. We do feel like losers; like our children will be better off with out us, We are all imperfect. Nobody is immuned to sin. I know I've been there. I had to get over myself and see a therapist, because what I was dealing with I could not forgive myself for. Unfortunately, we can not go over the issues, we need to go through them. Your child needs you at all ages.
My husband was killed in a motorcycle accident when my children were 7 and 4. I had to watch them grow up with out their father. Birthdays, Christmas, their first game of base ball, accomplishments at school, relationship advice, graduation, marriage, and their first child. My children missed their father through it all.
When I was suicidal my children were the only thing that kept me alive and now I am so grateful!
You can change! That's what is going to be needed to be there for your child. It's never too late to change!