Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hello everybody, I'm new to this support group. I'm trying very hard to help a friend of mine who's going through a severe depression following his divorce and I thought joining such a group may help me understand him better and may also give me means and ways to try to help him because frankly, I feel so helpless. It seems there is nothing I can say or do to make him feel a bit better. I did convince him to get some counseling, there was a very minor improvement. Like instead of saying he will commit suicide, now he says he won't do it but begs for death to happen everyday... So, really, not a big improvement. And his counseling sessions are gonna stop soon anyway because his insurances were gonna pay for only 10. It's not that he's poor but I know he's not gonna want to pay for this.
Recently, he got angry at me and I never understood why. This disease makes him so fragile and susceptible that I'm always careful what I tell him and I don't feel I said anything wrong. He had had 5 beers and wanted a 6th one, I told him I would prefer if he stopped drinking for now. I don't see how that's such a big deal but it got him so angry! He left almost running and told me he never wanted to see me again. I tried calling him right after but he wouldn't pick up his phone, I've texted him and he replied in text that I should forget about him. This was 5 days ago and I haven't tried contactting him again because I'm scared, I'm not sure how to go about it, I'm not sure I shouldn't do what he says and leave him be. I think he needs people in his life who care for him now. Even his own parents won't speak to him anymore. I don't think he will contact me again on his own. I don't know if he is still angry, I don't know if, in his state of mind, he can see how ridiculous it is to cut me off his life for this?? He's told me numerous times in the past months how grateful he is that I'm there for him, and now that! To me, it was unexpected and I feel I deserve to be treated better but I don't want to make him feel worse by telling him that. I guess my question is, what should I do? Should I forget about him as he asked me to, should I wait a few more days or weeks before I contact him, or have I waited too long already? If I do contact him, how do I go about it? Should I apologize even though I don't think I was wrong...
Thank you so much to everyone who will give me his opinion.
Recently, he got angry at me and I never understood why. This disease makes him so fragile and susceptible that I'm always careful what I tell him and I don't feel I said anything wrong. He had had 5 beers and wanted a 6th one, I told him I would prefer if he stopped drinking for now. I don't see how that's such a big deal but it got him so angry! He left almost running and told me he never wanted to see me again. I tried calling him right after but he wouldn't pick up his phone, I've texted him and he replied in text that I should forget about him. This was 5 days ago and I haven't tried contactting him again because I'm scared, I'm not sure how to go about it, I'm not sure I shouldn't do what he says and leave him be. I think he needs people in his life who care for him now. Even his own parents won't speak to him anymore. I don't think he will contact me again on his own. I don't know if he is still angry, I don't know if, in his state of mind, he can see how ridiculous it is to cut me off his life for this?? He's told me numerous times in the past months how grateful he is that I'm there for him, and now that! To me, it was unexpected and I feel I deserve to be treated better but I don't want to make him feel worse by telling him that. I guess my question is, what should I do? Should I forget about him as he asked me to, should I wait a few more days or weeks before I contact him, or have I waited too long already? If I do contact him, how do I go about it? Should I apologize even though I don't think I was wrong...
Thank you so much to everyone who will give me his opinion.
Perhaps it is best if he heals himself for a while, and then he will realize what your friendship means.
You can always be there for him when he's ready for you.
Divorce can be a very hard thing to go through. I'm still married to the first and only Mrs. Pepper, but I have friends who have been through separations and divorce.
Sometimes gender is VERY important. The fact that you are female and he is male may make it difficult, perhaps impossible, for him to relate to you. A lot of people, when going through a divorce, need to scream at the top of their lungs (OK, perhaps that is more figurative than literal) that the opposite gender is vile, disgusting, worthless, ...
and then it gets really ugly and bitter.
When a guy is saying that to a guy, it is easy. when a woman is saying that to a woman it is easy. But sometimes the need to say those things (without really meaning them) when your audience is the opposite gender causes an emotional over load.
I'd say try to help him find another guy he can vent with. Preferably somebody who has no ties to his ex wife.
As for stopping his 6th beer, that gets into the entire alcoholic intervention thing. The logic of too much to drink is entirely lost on somebody who is already 5 beers into a 6 pack. If I was in my 20s or 30s and a buddy was complaining about his soon to be ex wife, and he was looking to start his second 6 pack I'd make sure he did not drive any where, and then I'd suggest we relocate either outside, or someplace with a tile floor cause I did not feel like cleaning up the mess that was sure to come from the carpet.
Guys do things differently than women. And different people do stress differently.
You helped him get into therapy, that is good. Perhaps you can point him to one of the groups here on DS: depression, divorce and breakups, alcohol, etc.
The fact that he pulled away from you suggests that he may not want you as a large part of his support system. WTH, he may not want ANY support system right now. He may need things to get worse before he puts the needed effort into getting better.
Thank you very much for caring for a fellow human being! Way too many other people would have looked once or twice and then bailed.
Gentle hugs.