HI there....what can I say...I just logged on and see that another person like me is in pain...For the rest of the night, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers...If I could say the magic thing to ease your pain, I would. But I am not sure what that is. All I can say is that you are not alone; there are many other people suffering just like you. You really did the right thing by posting on this site...Warm regards.

thank you, might be hard to believe but those were magic words..

I dont expect it all to just go away.. just not to feel there is someone listening.. someone I can talk to...

thanks for your reply

I'm so glad to see a post from you. How can I help? I'm in a difficult place myself. :(

Tell me about your gf moving in. Has she moved in yet? Or tell me about anything really, anything you want to talk about.

Hey thanks sadie, GF moved in but went back home (with her folks) to get more stuff.. I'm picking her up after work..

I dont want to go to work.. to depressed to focus..

I just feel like crying so much.. and its the same thing over and over.. just want to die so badly.. I want this struggle to end..

shame Sadie, whats going on with you? you've been here for me and helping me and others so much.. how you doing?

I think there is a difference between wanting to die, and wanting this struggle to end. At least for me there is a difference between the 2. I want the struggle to end, but I don't necessarily want to die. How do you feel about that??

To be honest, today was very hard for me - I am not feeling well at all; quite depressed and resisting impulses to be self-destructive. I hate to say that because I was doing so well, but hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I know what you mean about being too depressed to work. What do you do for work? Do you think it would help you to take a journal in with you so you can take 5 or 10 minutes to write your feelings just to get them out of your head? That helps me. Then I can go back to my task focused until there are too many thoughts swirling around my head again. Or maybe you could write yourself a nice note to remind yourself that you're valuable, and you want to live.

I'm trying to type quickly to keep you from waiting on me too long. What time is it for you?

Oh sorry, you put that in your post. duh. I'll blame it on the seroquel, I feel like I can't see when I take it. It's hard to explain bc I can see, but it's very weird....anywho....

shame man, sorry to hear that you not doing well... what triggered it?

that journal idea is a keeper, will definitely do that..

I'm a web developer, I work in back-end so its alot of problem solving and need to have the free space in my mind to be able to concentrate but ya dont see that happening..

Its 04:14 now so think I'll try for sleep again..

will keep you all updated

I'm not 100% sure what the trigger was. I had severe anxiety over the weekend which really triggered some sad feelings, and I guess maybe they took a turn today to something worse. idk.

I'm glad you like the journal idea. It's the only way I get through studying sometimes. I just have to get the thoughts out of my head.

web development is cool. do you work for a big company? technology is really not my thing....but I'm amazing at science and medical stuff :) to each his own..

that sounds good. glad you feel like you can try to sleep :)

Not doing well... it's just building up again... I've forgotten the reasons all that I want right now is the end...