Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am devastated by the actions my step son has made but think the happening could have been avoided if my wife would have just backed me up when it came to raising her son instead of letting her mother tell us how to raise him, He wouldn't be so screwed up and he wouldn't have made these horrible choices. I feel anger towards my wife. I am not proud of it. I hate it because she cant defend herself. I love her I know I do but I am just so angry at her. This is really hurting me. Humor me please and tell me what she might say.
My wife died before I found out how screwed up my step son really was. I can only imagine it would have only made my wife's life less bearable than it already was. I just have this horrible anger and sadness.
I feel myself falling in another pit. A pit of anger and sadness and am mad at everyone that played a role in my step sons life. It is not all his fault. He was never properly disciplined and never really taught any positive morale values. I tried to show him the way but was constantly criticized for my attempts to insteal my morale code.
I still care for him on a minute scale. Just seeing how he was raised in such a liberal manor infuriates me. This could have all been avoided. I wish I was more stern with everyone that had a say. I married her and I accepted the responsibility to help raise her son. I should have taken over and not let others have a say but I took the easy way out. I should have given my wife a choice, Either he follows my rules under my roof or you both can leave.
I do blame myself Because I new that he was going to be worthless as an adult. I knew that he would probably go to jail for doing something stupid. I just never thought he would rape someone, much less a child
My wife died before I found out how screwed up my step son really was. I can only imagine it would have only made my wife's life less bearable than it already was. I just have this horrible anger and sadness.
I feel myself falling in another pit. A pit of anger and sadness and am mad at everyone that played a role in my step sons life. It is not all his fault. He was never properly disciplined and never really taught any positive morale values. I tried to show him the way but was constantly criticized for my attempts to insteal my morale code.
I still care for him on a minute scale. Just seeing how he was raised in such a liberal manor infuriates me. This could have all been avoided. I wish I was more stern with everyone that had a say. I married her and I accepted the responsibility to help raise her son. I should have taken over and not let others have a say but I took the easy way out. I should have given my wife a choice, Either he follows my rules under my roof or you both can leave.
I do blame myself Because I new that he was going to be worthless as an adult. I knew that he would probably go to jail for doing something stupid. I just never thought he would rape someone, much less a child
If you need an emotional rock to grab onto please take this one: your step son, and only your step son, is responsible for what he did.
There will always be "regret" that we did not do something. Long time ago a man who worked at a lock down facility that treated juveniles as part of being in jail. He was asked about feeling responsible for bad things that happen there. He said that that was always going to be the case, even if somebody did something completely out of sight from him. It bothered him, but he understood that bad people do bad things and him being there mitigated things.
None of us can ever stop all the bad that happens around us. But with love and patience we can help mitigate it.
Id say to allow yourself to get angry at your wife; as you work through that anger you will realize that she could have been just as angry at you! And after you two confronted those feelings with each other you would, in time, have realized that it would have taken a mind reader to have known what was going on.
Keep venting!
((((((( COMFORTING HUGS ))))))))
Me.
My emotions took hold of me, I don't know why exactly. I guess I was in disbelief over what had happened.
Considering the following:
your wife loved you
she loved her son
foresight is always better than hindsite
you did the best you could at the time raising your step-son
your wife did the best she could at the time raising her son
Maybe she would say something like this: Honey, I'm sorry things are the way they are. There is nothing more that you could have done to help our son, to some degree, he made his own choices. No one made him to to that child what he did. What is done is done and it cannot be changed. I want you to be happy. Find something to do to make yourself happier. I loved you then, and I love and miss you now. Please don't blame yourself, that does not do you or anyone any good. Put yourself first for awhile in life, and see if that helps. Journal your feelings, find some professional help if you can. It could help, it can't hurt to try. I am still with you in spirit. I had faith in you then and I have faith in you now. I am smiling. Please smile back at me and know that this situation will not always be so intense.
My name is Kathy, you can email me anytime. I hope you are able to climb out of that depression pit, and somehow make it through one hour at a time, this terrible situation.
Kathy