I really need some advice I worked on board seabourn cruise ship 6* loved my job as do I love my bf bt during my first contract I was sexually abused and raped on an overnite in antwerp Belgium and I was destroyed I never though I'd find love agen I moved ships during my 2nd contract and continued to work 4 more bt now iv just returned home leaving 2 months early with my amazing bf not because we want to because I was medically disembarked by crew medical I was receiving counselling from fone calls bt I couldn't concentrate on my job properly there was always the question what if we go home I asked my bf he said yes we can and luckily the company also paid his flights home now we're home I'm still having nightmares sleepless nites etc and still feel like I wanna hurt myself I have all my family friends and bf with me now bt now we don't have job were bk living with my parents until we settle and move somewhere I love him bt I just need some advice I'm suffering in a world of silence my mom keeps telling me to speak bt I cannot it's really difficult HELP please !!!!!!!