I know what you mean, sometimes, the closer we get to God, the more evil will torment us, making us feel unworthy, convincing us that we do not belong, he tried that wth Jesus, &it did not work, you can fight this too!, with the help of Jesus., Ask, & Receive.

You are not the devil. Think On that more why you can't accept that.

Thank you for your responses. It helps.

Thank you for sharing. Spiritual warfare is very real. Think of who the most evil enemy would attack. That evil would attack the most in need. Attack them at their weakest. This is an enemy that would gladly punch a baby in the face. This enemy uses our Depression and Anxiety against us. Your biggest weapon is trusting in The Lord to carry you in the fight. When we force things ourselves, we realize that the enemy is too strong. The enemy wants you to fight on your own and prove that you alone are strong enough to endure. This is a trick to use our pride to not fully trust in The Lord. It isn't the devil inside you. It is the devil outside trying to ruin you. Wanting you to force The Lord to prove Himself to you. We ask, we don't order. Trusting in The Lord is actually letting go of our pride in doing it all alone. In the name of Jesus, you can command the demons to flee. They will flee by your faith and trust in The Lord. Notice who you are commanding and in Whose Name you are asking. The Lord is in the face of one you are trying to help or who is trying to help you. All the Glory goes to God. You are not the devil, but you know Who can defeat him. The Lord is in that still small voice that lights your heart on fire. Think on those past times, if you can't feel Him right now. It just means He is waiting to give you more love and understanding than you thought were possible. You are in my prayers. God Bless.

I'm sorry you feel like this. There is freedom when you stop trying to do things yourself. When you stop trying to figure things out, stop looking at your circumstances, your mistakes, etc. and actually trust God, things start to change. When you surrender to the Lord, he will start to work through you. Now if you are a Christian (a child of God), I can tell you with 100% certainty that the devil is not in you because Jesus is in you. Light and darkness can't coexist. Where there is darkness, as soon as light shows up, the darkness goes away. I'm sure there is a spiritual battle. It is real, however the battle has already been won. The only reason the devil has so much power over so many is because we give it to him. You may be reading your Bible but you should pray and ask the Holy Spirit to guide and direct you to what you should read and meditate on. The power of life and death is in the tongue. Stop calling yourself the devil. You are speaking the truths of the enemy. The real truth is God is your life. He dwells on the inside of you in order to equip you to become the righteous person He created you to be. All you have to do is just be. Just live and let the Holy Spirit do its work in and through you. It takes time but all when happen in the right time.

"I just got out of therapy"

When? If recently, contact your therapist. Probably contact your therapist anyway.

"I have done everything in my power to heal myself but I am still completely disconnected."

If this is a mental health issue, you probably can't heal yourself ... per se.

I urge you to hook up with a mental health professional. By your own words, .. nothing is working.

"Have to plug into the 220+ for enough power."

Simpson .... maybe I misunderstood, but a 110 PLUG won't (properly) go into a 220 SOCKET .... and vice versa.

It would be pretty dangerous to plug a 110 appliance into a 220 socket. High risk of fire ... or electric shock.

Hey, sorry that you are going through this especially during the holidays. I completely understand what you are going through and its horrible, mentally exhausting, and leaves you with a disassociation from reality. First, its good that you have a foundation that allows you to turn your worries & problems over to God. The thing about healing is that when you pray about what you are going through God delivers us immediately, it may sound foolish because we still feel at war, however it will take you longer to realize that you are healed. The battle comes to pass and not to stay. God is using these struggles to strengthen you at this very moment. He actually has a date & perfect timing not only for when you go into the storm BUT when you get out as well. I think most of our problems stem from the lack of knowledge or the lack of a higher being that we believe will govern our life, so spiritual warfare shows up and it knocks us down, because as God says " The weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty through God". You are not the devil but your thoughts are the devil. The enemy attacks our mind to distract us from hearing God in moments of crisis. We tend to underestimate the power of our minds, it is easy to convince yourself that you are the negative things that you say to yourself, the longevity of those thoughts adapt to your understanding of how you see yourself. The more spiritual warfare you start to have the more you are getting closer to God and taking steps to destiny. It may feel like everything is falling apart but I swear to you its not, God is shifting you and changing your direction so that you can be the person he called you to be. The first step to healing is to embrace that you are not in control of your life and that your will for your life is not your own, accept his will for your life and do not fight it. Let go of people, or habits, your past...you must trust that everything that you are going through now has a purpose & a lesson. Your best days are not behind you. They are ahead of you. Its good that you were going to therapy but this is when life will show up & show out; it will stop at nothing to help you balance, and so this is when we learn to adapt to the turbulence of our problems. During this time you have to depend on God for everything because in this process you will be exposed from the inside, understanding yourself & circumstances, family/friends, work, etc. If you are lost then that is okay, half of the world is too, when we think that we are the only ones suffering it puts us in isolation because we dont know how to live and hurt at the same time. Isolation is the trick of the devil, to get you alone, abuse you, belittle you, consume your mind, and to bring up your past. When this happens fight for your life in the name of Jesus, let God take this battle, fight for your mind; once the devil has a hold of it things will never be the same. God wants us to be happy and live life so when you are having bad thoughts they are not his thoughts; but they are the devils. Dont wish to die instead see what happens when you dont want to die, when death is not a option but a predestined moment that is far away from you, and it will not be on your time; but on Gods. Take this time to heal. You have survived up to this point because you have a purpose to fulfill and God will do everything in his power to make sure that you will be on time for your blessings. Do not let depression kill you in your mind before life does. You are strong. You are loved. You are beautiful, You are worthy. God has given you the strength to move on. Get up and show up for your life. I will pray for you but please just dont die, instead choose to live. do not let the devil have you because you do not belong to him, nor his ways and thoughts. I hope that you feel better please feel free to message me if you just want to talk! xoxoxox

so good you came here to talk with us. we are here with you, you are not alone. you have all of us now. we care, we get it, we understand. we remember when we first came here and how unbelievable it was that people were here who really did care and understood and accepted us exactly where we were right then. love, acceptance and understanding, that is what you are finding here. it won't stop.

come, be comforted. talk more if you have more to talk about. we are going to be here.

you matter, you matter so very much. gentle hugs xo

speaking his name is enough to make dark thoughts or things flee - they have to, it is a spiritual law.

Hello!
Thank you for sharing your story. I empathize with your pain. All of what you have said is so familiar. It even got to the point where I asked was I possessed. I stopped going to church because of the shame. Depression still isn’t accepted. People think you can just pray it away or pop a pill and everything will be better. It doesn’t work like that. You’re not alone and I hope that you as well as I get the deliverance we need.