Wintergray, Now that you have posted I KNOW AND I CARE! I have had the same thing happen since I lost my Wife 3 weeks ago. There were all kinds of people around while she was here, but now that she is gone, they have scattered. I don't know if it is like you say they don't understand, or they just back away because they don't know what to say to me. And it's a lonely place to be isn't it? I don't know what the rules are here about giving out personal information, but since I have had so much of what you are experiencing, I would like to help if I can. I find that feeling like you have a friend day or night on the other end of the phone makes a tremendous difference. But at the same time I don't want to intrude in your life in a way that is unacceptable to you at this time. But if you need to and want to, subject to this post's rules, I will make myself available because you sound like you need a friend.

I think there was a massive change for me at about the age of 43. Instead of wishing someone would know what I was going through, my life got so inordinately bad that the entire focus changed. I now, in a strange town 1000 kms away from anyone who might reasonably care about me, and only surviving because I had a job - suddenly I now did NOT want to be understood, did NOT want anyone to know what I was going through. If I cried myself to sleep at night or woke in the morning crying, as I had done for probably 10 yrs at that point, I didn't want anyone to notice. That was my own personal private affair.

In a marriage I wanted my husband to care and he either didn't know, or didn't care, or both.

Outside a marriage, I wanted to be loved. And then when that fell through it was clear to me: we stand alone on our own two feet and we either make it, or we don't. But any other person in our lives could just as easily be a giant liability as an asset. It's not worth the risk.

not worth the risk. You can stand stable alone provided nobody knocks you over. And if you have to stand stable to provide for your children, that means keeping everyone away.

No point telling someone your woes if you have 3 days of severe panic attack that they might blab that information. No point at all.

So yeah. Don't expect help. Learn how to do it on your own two feet. If you have to talk, talk to a counsellor. They can be relied on not to blab.

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. Are you seeing a counselor? Talking to a trained counselor will definitely help. From my experience, when I was going through a difficult season, I felt the same way you did too. I went through counseling and was able to get out of the pit.
I want to assure you that God loves you, He cares about you, He knows when you cry in the night. Psalm 56:8 ~ You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book. This is a reminder that God is concerned with every aspect of your life because of His compassion. It doesn't matter how big or small the sorrow is.
I pray you will feel loved and have better days ahead.

DS prefers we remain anonymous within the public forums. What we do with PRIVATE MESSAGING is fairly open unless it is somehow offensive to the recipient. Check out the rules etc at the HELP/FAQ link at the bottom of this page.

So sorry you are feeling this way. Have you talked with your parents about what you are feeling. If not, let them know that you have something important to talk about with them and let them know how you are feeling and that you might need to talk to a counselor or therapist.

I agree that you need to talk to your parents about getting you some help. And no you don't have to do it alone. There are people here who can support you during this difficult time. Some of the advice here seems to be aimed towards adults. You're only 15 so not everything here will apply to you. As the saying goes, take what you need and leave the rest.