Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hello Everyone!
My name is Carrie and I am new to this group. I have been posting over on the Chronic Pain site and thought that I should join here as well. I am 46 yrs old, married, with 2 young children, Brandon & Brittany.
I suffer from depression following 2 spinal surgeries with the 2nd one leaving me perm. disabled. I suffer from chronic, intractable pain 24/7. I can't do much with my children (9 & 10 yrs old) and wonder why I am living this life of Hell.
Before, I became disabled, I worked full time as the "breadwinner" for my family and was very proud of that, even though it was painful to work. I had worked for more than 20+ years at the same company and was in middle Management. My husband stayed at home with the kids full time while I worked, however, he is now taking care of all of us! He is the most supportive husband and never complains. My children are wonderful and have come to accept Mommy's "limitations". I am very lucky to have them!
I used to be very close to my mother, however, a couple of years ago, she abandoned me due to my chronic pain. Her husband is a bast*rd and my brother, who is a nurse, NEVER has asked me how I am feeling when he sees me. My dad, whom I was very close to, died 5 yrs ago due to diabetes complications and I miss him very much. Even as an adult, I was always "daddy's girl".
My mother and I continued to see each other for the sake of her only 2 grandchildren, until we had a "falling out" on Mother's Day (5/09) that was caused by my stepfather. It was a really bad situaton and my stepfather's actions traumatized my kids. He and my mom REFUSE to apologize to my kids which is tearing me apart. They haven't bothered to contact my kids for nearly 3 months. My kids don't understand why their grandparents are acting this way, and you have to understand, that my mom and stepfather were CONSTANT people in my kids lives. My kids were suppose to spend every other week with them over the summer (like they usually do) but of course that hasn't happened. I am so angry with my mother and stepfather for acting childish and for hurting my kids!
So far, my kids are being very strong about all of this, but I think as time goes on, and there is still no contact with the grandparents, my kids are going to feel very hurt and sad.
After that event, I sent an email to my mother telling her that I could not see her anymore, holidays or otherwise, because I have enough stress to deal with. I don't need her sh*t! I just can't believe that she is so unsupportive of my chronic pain and is now ignoring her grandchildren.
Sorry for the long post! I guess I had to get that off my chest. I need to remember that we (hubby & kids) are all better off without them, for they are not setting very good examples for my kids.
Looking forward to meeting and connecting with others who suffer from depression and have family issues. Thanks in advance for any support/advice you may have.
Hugs & Blessings! ~Carrie
My name is Carrie and I am new to this group. I have been posting over on the Chronic Pain site and thought that I should join here as well. I am 46 yrs old, married, with 2 young children, Brandon & Brittany.
I suffer from depression following 2 spinal surgeries with the 2nd one leaving me perm. disabled. I suffer from chronic, intractable pain 24/7. I can't do much with my children (9 & 10 yrs old) and wonder why I am living this life of Hell.
Before, I became disabled, I worked full time as the "breadwinner" for my family and was very proud of that, even though it was painful to work. I had worked for more than 20+ years at the same company and was in middle Management. My husband stayed at home with the kids full time while I worked, however, he is now taking care of all of us! He is the most supportive husband and never complains. My children are wonderful and have come to accept Mommy's "limitations". I am very lucky to have them!
I used to be very close to my mother, however, a couple of years ago, she abandoned me due to my chronic pain. Her husband is a bast*rd and my brother, who is a nurse, NEVER has asked me how I am feeling when he sees me. My dad, whom I was very close to, died 5 yrs ago due to diabetes complications and I miss him very much. Even as an adult, I was always "daddy's girl".
My mother and I continued to see each other for the sake of her only 2 grandchildren, until we had a "falling out" on Mother's Day (5/09) that was caused by my stepfather. It was a really bad situaton and my stepfather's actions traumatized my kids. He and my mom REFUSE to apologize to my kids which is tearing me apart. They haven't bothered to contact my kids for nearly 3 months. My kids don't understand why their grandparents are acting this way, and you have to understand, that my mom and stepfather were CONSTANT people in my kids lives. My kids were suppose to spend every other week with them over the summer (like they usually do) but of course that hasn't happened. I am so angry with my mother and stepfather for acting childish and for hurting my kids!
So far, my kids are being very strong about all of this, but I think as time goes on, and there is still no contact with the grandparents, my kids are going to feel very hurt and sad.
After that event, I sent an email to my mother telling her that I could not see her anymore, holidays or otherwise, because I have enough stress to deal with. I don't need her sh*t! I just can't believe that she is so unsupportive of my chronic pain and is now ignoring her grandchildren.
Sorry for the long post! I guess I had to get that off my chest. I need to remember that we (hubby & kids) are all better off without them, for they are not setting very good examples for my kids.
Looking forward to meeting and connecting with others who suffer from depression and have family issues. Thanks in advance for any support/advice you may have.
Hugs & Blessings! ~Carrie
I hope that you can find the same support and kindness here too
Welcome aboard, your introduction to yourself is great, you sound like you have got fair rational reasoning with this problem. Parents are an odd comodity, sounds like she has regressed into her childhood. Its great that you have the support of hubby and your kids and it sounds like you will be strong and fine without them.
It never fails to amaze me when a parent turns into the child in the relationship........ but this seems to happen a great deal, you sound like a fantastic mom, so "good on ya"
Hope you enjoy our group, there are some terrific people on here, and it is the most active group.............crazy bunch of insomniacs......lol.
My name is sue and im new on here too.
You seem like a strong lady and dispite your pain and suffering you are there for your family, protecting them and worying about them. My mother walked away from me almost 17 years ago, I didnt fit into her new life with a new man (she has four other daughters whom she is close to)she also walked away from her grandchildren.....so I fully understand your hurt. Just keep reassuring your children that none of this is their fault, its their grandparents. I used to hope that over time my mum would want to get to know me and my children again but that has never happened....and to be honest I dont think it ever will now. All you can do is your best for your family, talking, listening, showing you care and love them is all that matters. Its not the physical stuff like throwing a ball or riding a bike that they will remember as they grow up...its the hugs and telling them how much you love them and are proud of them, thats what counts. Im sure your dad is still watching over you and your family and is proud of his little girl.
Can I add you as a friend? Id like to keep in touch
Sx
Has your husband step up to plate and got a job to support his family ?
I assume that you might have apply for SSI or SSD, if not it is an option.
What do you want your Mother & brother to do for you besize offer childcare at thier home for you & children to have summer vacation away from ea other (?) I dont see what they can do for you but watch you in pain and listen to same ole complaints.
I have services of in home care service and yep they tidy up my home and do my laundry and grocery shop for me. I also have pdoc and therapest and case worker. I will not use my family nor friends as free labor -care assistance.
I even py my neighbour to set my waste cans out and to set them bk in their storage spot.
Granted he would do so for free but am not a user and after a while that would get old.
So what if people fall away. by time your children are in thier teens they wont remember most of people who they may have spent time w befor age of 12 and that includes family members so thats no big deal.
Dont make a deal out of what your parents did and dont chat of such to or in ft of your children. simply tell then if you must that they have mental proble and are sick and they need ( parents ) need to stay home and away from people for them to get well.
Local mental health centers which offer slideing scale fee also offer child therapy.
being that incident was tramactic and yadda of incident carried home, you may opt to get them into therapy ASAP.
Stand your ground w your Mother. Out of form of control she wont give in nor admit wrong doing 1st if ever w/o putting the blam on you or someone else besize herself.
You have your own family and that all that really matters. we can adopt extended family members. I have a very dear friend who Iv known for 30ty + yrs and to me she is part of my extended family that I choosed and put together for my own well being and for my own family.
Hopefully pain med and physical therapey and message therapy is helpfull. I really feel bad for you. Am a big baby even when it comes to a paper cut.
May your day be pain free and as you wish for it to be.
So sorry to hear about the falling out in your family..that has to be hard. I will send you a PM, as we have lots in common.. Welcome again, and am glad you found your way to us!! xx
THANK YOU for your comforting & supportive words. I really do appreciate it and thank you for making me feel welcome!
Admiral,
Allow me to make myself clear about a few things. First of all, I am on SSDI. Money is not an issue here. I don't need my husband to work nor can I afford for him to work. As I said in my post, he takes care of all of us now! He does so much that I worry about him. He also has back and knee problems and takes on all of the chores, shopping, cooking, takes the kids to school, their doctors appts, etc and NEVER complains!
I have been on many different types of medicine and have sought out ANYTHING that would help me. My husband and I went to the CLEVELAND CLINIC and they could not help, so I am taking it day by day with the meds. My symptoms are getting worse and I may have spinal stenosis again. I just saw my neurosurgeon and he has ordered a myleogram to see of the stenosis is back.
As far as my mother is concerned, I want her to LISTEN every now and again. This doesn't cost her anything except her time. Again, I said that her and I used to be very close so it was quite a shock that she dismissed my chronic pain this way. I don't care how old I am, I am still her daughter and I am suffering for pete sake! I will NEVER turn away my kids, if god forbid, they should ever go through any type of crisis in their life, especially one that causes pain!
When I said that my kids were "traumatized", it is over the angry, vicious attacks that my stepfather and mother were displaying on Mother's Day. My kids must have thought that their grandparents were from another planet! They are fine (emotionally) as my husband and I are a very strong support group for our kids and always show them how much we love them.
As for your comment "so wh! if people fall away", well it was insensitive. Obviously, it matters to ME that my mother and brother aren't understanding of the health problems I face every day. Maybe one day they will be in the same boat and know what it feels like.
I hope this answers some of your questions.
Lotsa Hugs to you All! ~Carrie
Welcome my friend.. Sorry about Admirals comments.. Welcome to the *nuthut* as I so lovingly call it.. I know your pain.. I have been through back surgeries and have the degenerative discs, bulged discs RA etc etc and fybromyalga.. it sucks.. And then to top it all off to have an asshole stepfather..
Just remember to take it one step at a time and one day at a time.. You have come to the right forum as many people here will connect with you. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.. I dont know how I would have survived without my friends (my family) on here..
Your mom is the one who is missing out on you and your children.. If she is any kind of human being at all, she will kick herself in the ass one day.. Again.. Welcome.. thebeast
I'm sorry about your kids missing out on time with their grandparents this summer. Some of my very best summer memories are times spent with my grandmothers (both of my grandfathers died before I was three years old, so I don't have any memories of them.)
Your husband sounds like such a terrific man!
I didn't get the impression that you were looking for "free child care" or anything else "free" (I know how expensive in-home assistance is--few people can afford it unless Medicaid/state taxpayers are paying for it, so it's really good when relatives and friends are able to help out. My mother has to spend over $100 some winter months just to have someone clear the snow from her sidewalk and short driveway. I wish I lived closer so I could do it for her and save her the money.)--I thought you just wanted your mom to be more understanding and supportive.
We're glad you're here!
Selfish, self absorbed arseholes..................... never did nothing for me, never cared, never wanted to know, I am shocked at the behaviour of some people.
Sorry, kinda kidnapped that post, but Admiral.......... that was sooo insensitive, I know how painful that can be and unless your parents have deserted you I don't think you qualify to comment. No hard feeling.......
Meds and operations can heal injuries and disease, but how do you mend a broken heart?