Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
A couple months ago i finally left an abusive mother, she had violent tendencies and brought my self esteem to a low making me think no one cared about me, that i was lower than dirt (and things i don't want to repeat), i didn't try to leave for years, i didn't have the strength, i eventually stumble into a girl, it seemed like a dream at first but she had bad bipolar and she often blew up on me, i tried leaving her but i found myself worrying about being alone or just overwhelmed by other things happening in life, she'd be there for me but when she was done she'd cuss me out and say things
I feel like a fuck up, when my best friend told me to leave her i pushed my best friend out of my life, i pushed eveyone out, she was all i had and one day she left, i didn't know how to be alone, someone else came along and by some unholy miracle she as well had bipolar with different tendencies, she left me a lot and guilted me back into loving her, i was stuck, i'm still stuck, she barely pays attention to me let alone any of my friends,
I push everyone away because i'm scared of being hurt, i can't cope and i frustrate myself, i hate myself, i can't do anything right let alone bring home a report card that isn't below a C average, i have no one left,
I can't stop thinking about what the people who were closest said to me, when i trusted them, they put me down and pushed me down
I can't help but feel i'm in the wrong place, i can't even smile, i feel like i don't matter
I used to get bullied a lot, still do sometimes, i don't wanna fight, i need help, i feel like i can't go on sometimes
I'm all alone, i've been alone for so long i forget what its like to have friends who care
There is your entire problem. It is probably NOT YOUR FAULT. You are a victim of child abuse ... and that left you with no self esteem. Without TREATMENT, it will likely NEVER cease ... that is the problems you have today ... those you describe in your post.
There is treatment for this kind of thing and if you connect with a mental health professional, you can begin working on the problem. A life time problem if not treated.
Good luck to you. I think you are a very GOOD person and deserve happiness. Unfortunately, you probably don't.