My foster niece in what is the happiest day for her is the most miserable for me. She has found her forever home. Im truly happy for her I am but Little One has been in our family since she was 8 just a shy little girl who was behind in school. She would act out and didn't trust her teachers and would try to run away from people with walkie talkies. Im a substitute at her school also her auntie. She was relieved and excited one day during a fit that I was working at her school. While the other teachers couldn't stop her screaming in the bathroom while she was having problems with PTSD I got her calmed down and back into class. I worked a lot at her school and she was always excited to see me there. I would take her home and she would pretend that my backseat was a rollercoaster lol. We would sing and dance to the radio so so loud. She is going on 12 now and I almost cry because my husband and I did almost adopt her but it did not work out. Little One and I are very close. For her present tomorrow for her party I wrote down all of my favorite memories together it is 5 pages long I know there is more but it kind of set off an anxiety attack. Im not ready to let her go. I love her so much as if she was my daughter not my niece. We had a six month monopoly game one year and she beat me LOL danced around me and rubbed it in. Her prize to Coldstone. yummy. We did Zumba together but she found out she loved my maracas more than dancing because of course to a child they are awesome. We celebrated her first real Halloween and she did my hair for me it was a giant bun on top of my head that wiggled like my dogs tail. Oh it made us laugh. Our favorite Friday movie night movie complete with popcorn and m and ms was Despicable Me. She goes "ITS SO FLUFFY!!!! I taught her to skate and ride a bike we both needed padding for both activities. We recently started watching movies, music, and funny videos on youtube and looking at pictures on FB. When she was with her adoptive mom she said she started to cry because they were on FB and it reminded her of me. I admit I cried to. Tomorrow is going to be really hard because just knowing that she was almost my daughter and saying goodbye forever to that piece of my heart. I know that we can have contact but it is always best when the letters stop. Im just crying right now. I don't want her to go how do you lose something so precious. Plus school for her she is doing amazing she is in book club now she has over 167 of her own books and she would tell you "chapter books" I cried when she became a tween LOL. My mother in law has done foster care for 20 years and I have known her for 8. Little one has been in the house for almost 4-5 years its more than me knowing her well. We can be in an empty room talk about nothing and be in a fit of giggles. My moms favorite game to play with me growing up was go fish but Little One and I we do it with silly voices. Im not ready for this. Tomorrow though I have promised myself not to let her see me cry and to give her loads of hugs. I cant sleep.

Plus its just not her that is leaving. After little One leaves my mother in law is selling her house and moving to Louisiana to be with her other grandbabies. She is ready for retirement. It has been crazy doing this in a month. Everyone is just moving on and Im left here all the arguments and everything I cant stand anymore. My husband has been pushing and pushing go get a job go get a job. I have a job. I sub but it isn't full time I don't have benefits and that is what he wants. I feel like a failure. I was so stressed this week about everything that I have been getting physically sick. I cannot take this.

I wish she wasn't leaving. I cannot even say I love you. What else can you say? My heart hurts inside I know your not supposed to get close but I love my little niece and Im happy that she is off to her forever home with a new mom and sister. New adventures and memories. I just wish that we could keep in contact because Im going to miss her

P.S. Sorry this is long lots of anxiety tonight and this is a realy hard situation for me. I don't have a big support system around me. They are moving away.